Exotic Berry
by Good Question
Summary: Dean Winchester is just like everyone else, mostly. When he's not being Deanna Winchester who moved out from the rural part of Lawrence, Kansas to a prestigious boarding school with off-campus housing so that he can live his life. Things are going well for him until he runs into Castiel Novak and has a new bucket list of worries. Loose Hana-Kimi parody. High School AU.
1. Green Berry

**Title: **Exotic Berry

**Rating: **T

**Pairing: **Dean/Castiel

**Trigger Warnings: **Internalized Phobias?

**Summary: **Dean Winchester is just like everyone else, mostly. When he's not being Deanna Winchester who moved out from the small town of Lawrence, Kansas to a prestigious boarding school with off-campus housing. Things are going well for him until he runs into Castiel Novak. Loose Hana-Kimi parody. High School AU.

Oh an imagine** Dean like a young Jensen, right around the pre-ballpark of Days of Our Lives.** When he really had that feminine beauty to his face. If it helps you imagine it better.

**A/N: **Loosely and not so loosely based off of Hana-Kimi. I just got done writing **And The Cardinal Hits The Window **, a story concerning sexual, incestuous child abuse. I spent half a year and some change writing that story and it was dark as all hell. I recently went through my manga collection at my parents house and just got the itch to write something light hearted and cute. Hana-Kimi was one of my favorites and I immediately had to do something with it. I didn't want to gender bend anyone so this has made this much more challenging. I picked Dean as the one cross-dressing because we already know canon wise he enjoys wearing women's underwear at least.

**Also;** let me say that this is not poking or playing down anyone who is either genderqueer or FTM or MTF, to whom gender and sex representation is a very serious issue that causes them obstacles to get over every day. But this is not a story about that, this is a story about a man named Dean Winchester who feels comfortable and at home in women's clothing, and it's an integral part of his self. This is written as a light work and I really don't know how far I'm going with this. I just felt an itch and I HAD to write something.

**Also .2** ; Let me say this on some of the internal monologue- It's from the internal point of view. I don't know what it's like for others, because I've never been a male who wants to wear stereotypically female clothing. Technically I've been cross-dressing most of my middle-school and up life. 90% of my wardrobe is the traditional "male pants" and 90% my shirts aren't fitted. The only skirts you'll find are used in the bedroom. And while I've gotten shit for it growing up, when I first ditched all the skirts (the whole 'but you looked so pretty! Don't you want to look pretty?'), and I act very masculine, there isn't exactly a stigma attache to it as there is for males who want to wear dresses and skirts and make up and wigs. There are kinda different prejudices that go with that. The internal monologue I'm using is the amount of fear and freak out when I found out I was into girls. How big of a deal it was in my life that I was either gay or straight or what the hell was I allowed to be and what was wrong with me. NOT THAT THERE IS. But yeah.

**Re-Written March 5th **

**Chapter 1: Green Berry **

The alarm rang shrilly through the apartment. There wasn't much in it yet so the sound echoed off of the walls and back into one of the bedrooms. (Technically there could've, and should've been two people living there. It was a two bedroom, off-campus student housing, although it was directly affiliated with the school. All you had to provide was a slip of paper that they gave you at the high school's office; that you were in fact a student ,and a slip from your parents instructing that you were allowed to live there without supervision. It was an independent living type of situation that was a little more open than the actual dorms on campus. )

Dean sprang up from his bed the second time the alarm rang, heart pounding. He slammed on the radio and rushed through his apartment with classic rock blaring through the speakers. He tapped his fingers to it as he brushed his teeth and shimmied into his panties. With one foot, he hooked and tossed his stockings from the floor into his outstretched palm and spat in the sink. Dean ran one hand along his shaved legs to make sure he didn't have to do a quickie before heading out. Before he went digging for his uniform, he cracked two eggs into a slowly heating pan. By the time he'd found his skirt and shimmied into it, the air was ripe with the delicious smell of breakfast. He grinned as he found his padded bra and went to check to make sure they hadn't burned. Two pieces of toast in the toaster later he was putting everything he needed into his schoolbag and and squeezing into the uniform shirt. Dean glanced at the clock and contemplated actually sitting down to have breakfast before shaking his head and slapping the two pieces of egg in between the toast, with a slice of salami. He squeezed them together before heading back into the bathroom and arranging his wig onto his head.

"All right," he told himself, giving the same pep talk he gave every morning since arriving. "You can do this."

Before he headed out the door he double checked his outfit, making sure he passed and that his make up was sitting right He frowned a bit and adjusted the line of eyeliner before grabbing a napkin and rolling up his egg sandwich in it. He took a deep breath and glanced through the peephole of his door to make sure the hallway was empty. After cracking the door open and making sure there was no one around again, he stepped out quickly, locked the door, and jogged down the hallway and down the stairs. He took a detour to take the back way out.

The person that lived at apartment number 430 was the male Dean Winchester. Which was just fine by him. He liked male Dean Winchester, he thought he was pretty bad ass actually. He enjoyed having a dick and it wasn't like he was on a warpath against pants and muscle cars and sexist movies. Not at all, he still enjoyed all of those things. He and his dick were best friends. And he still liked going out to the movies or hanging out at the garage where he was working for some side cash as male Dean Winchester, but it had come to his attention a few years ago (more than a few years ago if he was to be honest) that there was something else Dean Winchester liked too. And that was women's clothing.

The first time he'd ever put on a skirt had been a long time ago when he and his best friend Jo had switched clothes for kicks and he'd worn it the rest of the day. He'd gotten a damn stern talking to by his father when he'd gotten home. They'd done it again, and John had gone and complained to Ellen, Jo's mother, about making sure her daughter stopped facilitating such an unnatural habit. Dean had taken that comment to heart and Ellen hadn't talked to John Winchester much after that. Even at neighborhood get together's the air was always a little tense. It never stopped her from inviting Dean over to play with Jo tho'.

The second time he'd put on women's clothing had been at Rhonda Hurley's birthday party. Early 7th grade. Truth or dare. They were old enough to be left alone for the night while the parents went to bed, despite being co-ed party. Dean forgets who had the idea but somehow he ended up in soft, pink underwear while people cheered. He'd blushed of course and after the allotted time gone to change back into his old underwear. But he coulnd't shake off the tingling in his skin. He'd really liked it. They'd felt soft, and comfortable, and snug. Not like his boxers at all where things felt a little airy and he was always trying to find the right way to put them into his jeans and it was just frustrating to deal with it.

The feeling hadn't left his mind and he found himself flipping through some of his mom's clothing magazines. His mother would always laugh and take them away from him, asking him if he was picking something out of for some girlfriend, and his father didn't have an opinion. Dean made sure to never do it in front of him, or hide them under his bed. After awhile he found himself wanting to try on some more clothing to the point it almost became an obsession. He'd stare wistfully at lunch while some of his female friends showed off the new dress or skirt they'd gotten, or a really nice sweater.

In between football practice and the regular training his dad made him and his little brother, Sam go through, he would imagine nice ensembles.

He looked it up on the internet once, or tried to. He wasn't very successful. Everything he found scared him. It all pointed to him having some "desires", or being "unhappy". And that didn't make sense to him. He was perfectly happy, he would just be happier if he could go to the grocery store dressed like Teresa from down the street. Other information made him a little scared too. That he might feel like he wasn't in the right body. Dysphoria was a word he found and even after he looked the word up in the dictionary he felt confused. There were a ton of big words and none that really seemed to help him and none that anyone could ever agree on. So he'd closed out of the browser and gone into his room, playing catch with himself. He watched the baseball roll around in the air before it descended and he'd grab it again and with a flick of the wrist send it flying back up.

For the next few weeks he really though about it and realized that the amount of girly things he did wasn't really anymore than other guys did. Yeah he liked to cook but he liked to help his mom out and his dad cooked too and he was in the marines. So that wasn't girly. Even tho' Uncle Bobby was gruff around the edges and usually wore the same shirts when they went out, he always made sure to look really nice and cared about his appearance, so that wasn't really girly either. Uncle Bobby was one of the toughest son's of bitches he knew.

Dean didn't have a sudden desire to play jump rope with the girls or take plastic babies out in strollers and when as a kid they'd played house he was always the fireman or the police coming to stop disasters. And when he thought about it now that wasn't even that male either, Sheriff Mills was a woman and she was a damn powerhouse.

It terrified him.

He spent a year miserable, pushing away most of his friends. He entered 8th grade in the middle of arguments and a more often than not lonely lunch table. He was angry, irritable, and his friends less than forgiving of it. Sam helped when he was at home of course, but Sam wasn't old enough to go to middle school yet and by the time he was he'd already be headed for his freshman year. It helped that Bobby was letting him work on some of the cars with him at the garage. Nothing big, just the rust buckets he had sitting behind the house he and the late Karen Singer had owned. He'd never met her but was assured by his parents that she'd made the best damn apple pie around the block, if not the world. They all missed her dearly.

Things changed a bit when he started feeling attracted to other people. Que another thing Dean Winchester failed at normal life with. At first it had confused him and he'd wanted to punch out a window the day he'd popped his first boner for a boy, and only boys. He liked guys. It had driven him to sitting in his shower and crying for a little bit. He couldn't even like girls too. And he'd tried, he really had. But it just didn't work the same way.

It made his spiral down worse.

A few months into his 8th grade year Jo had finally cornered him.

Dean remembered with fondness how she'd rammed him up against the lockers and demanded he come over to her house later. She was tired of whatever bullshit was going on that he wasn't talking about. The Harvelle's owned a bar and Jo threatened to get them drunk like the adults drank if he didn't cooperate by himself. After being worked over for a few days, he'd finally stammered out that he thought he was gay. Jo had sighed in relief, physically relaxing- 'I thought there was something like... life threatening going on. Oh thank god.' At first Dean had felt a little offended, it had been ruining him from the inside and here it was. Just as easy as that. No big deal no nothing just 'oh'. He'd demanded to know if he 'acted' gay, all of a sudden very defensive of his masculinity. She'd laughed and said no, that it just didn't matter. Her uncle was gay, not openly so, they were in the most rural edges and Kansas wasn't exactly at the forefront for social justice.

It'd taken a few more weeks of needling by Jo about why he still wore his sour expression and dragged a rain cloud with him wherever he went; to admit to 'maybe sort of liking some girly things'. Two more days before he'd angrily shouted, with tears prickling behind his eyes that he wanted to try on women's clothing. 'Go ahead! Call me a freak!' he'd shouted, turning away from Jo, intent on destroying his room. Instead Jo had tackled him to the bed and stubbornly held on until his breathing evened out and fear paralyzed his body. He flinched when Jo moved but all she ended up saying was 'you want to come over to my house and try on some of mine? I think our hips are still the same size?'

That's the day Dean had decided Jo was really an angel in disguise sent down just for him. Right around that same time she'd introduced him to one of her idols, too. Castiel Novak. He was a track star from some big city that he hadn't ever paid attention to. He agreed with Jo almost immediately. He was GORGEOUS. Every time he moved on the screen he kept your attention. Dean started going to his own school's track meets. It was fun, but nothing like watching Cas. He'd even asked some of the guys on the track team about it. Of course they'd heard of him. He'd been the current junior division reigning champ. He usually did solo events and was busting through records everytime he walked onto the field. Dean thought he was the most inspiring person he'd ever met, outside of Jo of course. They'd watch some of the competitions on some obscure channel in Jo's room. Dean would have a pillow pressed into himself with his elbows on it, chattering away about all the personal information he'd been able to dig up through magazines and fan articles while Jo brushed his 'hair' and laughed, agreeing. He _was _handsome and quite a hard worker.

The rest of Dean's 8th grade year went much better, not perfect, but he told himself that if Castiel kept working hard and beating records left and right he could pick up all of his baggage and lug that around too. His grades improved again, his friends remained scarce, but that was okay 'cause he had Jo and it wasn't like he could do what he wanted with his other friends anyway. Then their mom got sick and things took another turn for the worst. He was climbing walls and not even the panties that Jo had lent him to wear under his jeans made him feel any more comfortable in his day to day life. He entered his freshman year of high school neurotic and fighting every day with his dad. By the time that Dean had found a boarding school a state over to transfer to with a cheap, accelerated program his mother had taken a turn for the better. It didn't curb the amount of arguments that went on. Sam was usually the antagonistic one too. Whatever the hell went wrong there would always leave him confused, but at least it took the heat off of Sam. Sometimes Dean wondered if his dad just instinctively knew that there was something going on with his son that he didn't approve of. Sam told him that dad was just a dick and to ignore him, and if it got bad just to go to Mom and she'd chew him out.

That week he'd asked Sam how he would feel if Dean moved away. He told him about the school and Sam's response was to jump up and hug him and to list off all the thousands of reasons it was a good reason and how good it would look on his application even if he didn't attend college by the same organization. His mother hadn't been as enthusiastic but told him if he could make the grades to transfer he was welcome to. Dean had been working at the garage for spare change his entire middle school life and never spent a dime of it. He was in high school now, getting to be an adult, and it seemed like a nice town and one of Bobby's friends Pamela worked at the school (it's how he'd heard about the school actually) so he wouldn't be alone. His dad had been furious. That's what had decided that he was going to leave.

He made the grades with Jo's help. Right before he was ready to leave, halfway through freshman year, Ellen caught him in Jo's room in a dress. She'd only blinked twice before telling them that food was ready. In the care package that Jo and her put together for him before moving, she'd given him a few nice blouses and a dress or two that he could wear to bed.

Within two weeks he was moved into his off-campus dorm room, having fought with his parents for the right for that one as well. John had complained it was like he had his own damn place and Dean had pointedly shown them the second room he was going to get a roommate in. He also made sure to mention the proximity to the garage he was going to be working at. Bobby had called up his friend Rufus to throw in a favor for him. Sam and Mary had cried a little as they said their goodbyes and Dean was home-free. He'd spent the first few days bubbling over with glee, setting up his place. He'd lied a little to his parents about the arrangements. About a lot of the arrangements. The reason he'd picked the living area was not because of the proximity to the garage (tho' it helped) but because they didn't require full records from the school. So on his paperwork he could stand next to his parents and have 'M' listed, while at the school he'd earned himself a few favors to change the paperwork to indicate female. He knew he could pass, face wise on any ID.

Dean had very feminine features, he always had. Nice plump lips and eyes cut like emeralds and the greatest pair of legs on the block. Yes he was strong, and muscular, but so were a lot of women he knew. He just happened to have the face of a baby angel and now what he'd been teased about his entire life would work for his benefit. As a going away present Jo had bought him a nice wig, one that clipped in place like a lot of extensions did so that he could swing his hair around and lean his head down without it ever moving from place. It had taken weeks to learn how to put on properly but it was worth it. It helped that he'd started growing his hair out longer for the wig to clip on better. Soon he'd be able to ditch it and just wear extensions.

He rounded the corner on the street with a light running jog to make it to the bus stop. He'd spent about 5 days in this new lifestyle of his, and it was exhilarating. He'd stared at the picture of Castiel on his computer for hours before his first day of school, trying to prep himself up. Th is was a chance to start new, to do all the things he and Jo talked about him doing. To create an identity for himself, something that he was comfortable with and if that was dressed like a woman than he should dress like that. The change in sex on his school application had been a suggestion that came later. The amount of trouble that would come raining on him for cross-dressing would probably end up in a stern talking to and a boot from the school. That wasn't much of a problem either, for a boy his voice really hadn't dropped much in his puberty and he wasn't in danger of growing facial hair anytime soon. They'd agreed to deal with anything that came up the pike later. For now, it was time to worry about him. It didn't mean he was going to get surgery sometime in the future, or that with his other friends or people at the garage he was going to drop the male pronoun, all it meant was that for 8 hours a day Dean was free to interact in a way that made him happy. And he was willing to take that.

That didn't mean that it wasn't terrifying still. Or that he didn't live every second in fear of being found out and the explosion that would follow it. But if anything, Dean Winchester was tenacious. Hell, he'd already managed to make a friend, Lisa Braden. She was kind and kinda brash and open but good to be around. Well, he wanted to call her a friend but less than a day of acquaintanceship hardly counted. He was on his way to seeing her when he barreled into someone. He landed on the ground, bracing himself weirdly as his fist automatically went to his skirt to keep it down, and cursed. It came out a little squeakier than he'd intended. "Damn it," he muttered as he climbed awkwardly up, using the wall as support. He was about to yell at the person he ran into when his heart stopped and his tongue rolled itself backwards in his throat never to be seen again.

Breathtaking, and quite frustrated, blue eyes stared up at him from the ground. His hand twitched in an itch to reach out and drag him up. But he couldn't do anything but stare. And did girls do things like drag people up forcefully anyway? Maybe? His mouth gaped open and shut like as Castiel Novak got to his feet, shooting him a glare that wasn't softened much by him being a girl. "S-sorry," he stammered out, bringing his hand close to his chest. Panicked.

"No, it's quite all right. Perhaps next time you should not be in such a hurry?" he suggested, trying for polite even tho' it came off a little irritated. Concrete wasn't exactly the friendliest surface to land your kaboose on.

"Yeah, right. My bad," he offered, trying for a grin. He was saved from having to engage in more polite conversation as Lisa rounded the corner.

"I saw that fall, did that stick finally get knocked out of your ass?" she teased. Castiel gave her a small frown but the twitch of lips at the edges implied that he wasn't actually offended by it.

"Hardly, I've been assured it's quite firmly lodged in there, if anything it was probably shoved deeper in" he teased back.

Dean nearly fainted.

"What the hell?"

Lisa finally noticed him. "Deanna!" she moved forward and grabbed him in a gentle hug. "Good morning, I was actually looking for you." She laughed and then put two and two together. "So you're the hurricane that knocked our school super star onto his majestic-"

"I'm leaving," Cas said with a shake of his head and a rueful laugh. "I've had quite enough ridicule for this morning. I will see you later Lisa," he nodded his head towards Dean, "and you should make a note to be more careful."

"I will," Dean said, slightly off-put. "Is he always this much of a dick?" slipped out of his mouth before he could stop it. His mind had skidded off the rails at 'Castiel Novak goes to this school' and there was no putting it back on the rails.

Luckily Lisa laughed. "Yeah, he is. He's a good kid I guess. But I swear the man's got some issues. He runs track, he was national junior champions or something. I think he's trying again this year."

Dean nodded and didn't bother to add that he already knew and that he could tell you every record, every meet, and every year he'd broken each, but apparently he couldn't tell you what high school the track star attended. Lisa led him through the gates, oblivious to his internal upheaval of everything that was supposed to be right. Trees grew from the clouds and walking on water didn't seem like such a crazy accomplishment after all. Castiel Novak went to the same school. How had he not noticed this? The school was big but not that big. Once he'd calmed down a bit, sitting in the classroom towards the back in the corner, he'd rationalized enough to know that he'd be a year older than Cas so it made sense that he wouldn't be around the same wing as him too often. It was mainly freshman classes.

"Deanna?"

Dean's knee hit the table and he muffle a curse as the teacher seemed to appear out of nowhere next to him.

"Am I boring you?"

"No, sir," he said quietly and picked up his English book to find the passage they were on and reading.

He was so screwed. So, royally, screwed.

He was so screwed in fact that Dean half contemplated making a drastic jump out the window and that when they found his body they could blame everything on a massive mental breakdown. That sounded good.

His heart thudded in his chest as lunch time rolled around. He waved at Lisa in the hallway who tried to wave him over, looking confused when he waved her off. He just rubbed at his belly and gave a lopsided smile. He b-lined it to the nurses office and looked around glad to see that Pamela was on her own. One of the first things that he'd done was touch base with Pamela. Who was actually equally Ellen's friend as well as Bobby's. After discovering Dean's little big love of "this" side of him, he'd finally been comfortable to say that he was a cross-dresser, he'd briefly mentioned to Jo, as he talked about moving how he would go about when he got sick at school. As he'd started his second spiral and a need for freedom Jo had tipped her mom off who'd immediately thought of the school. She knew Pamela would be discreet, she'd never let Dean hear the end of certain things, but she'd help out eagerly. Ellen had packed him off with a "good luck" and Pamela had received him with a "damn you really are pretty".

Dean closed the door and knocked on her office, sliding in without much pause.

"Dean?"

"Castiel Novak goes here," he blurted out, eyes wide and eyeing the door to make sure that he wasn't being eavesdropped on. Not that anyone would care but he wasn't about to be logical.

Pamela just laughed and leaned back in her chair, crossing her legs. "Yes, yes he does. For a year and a half now."

Dean stared at her for a little, trying to figure out what to say. It wasn't like that had been anywhere near the first thing from his mouth. While they'd talked about why he wanted to do this, the consequences, and that this was a pretty big life choice and a statement, and that if it was just a hobby for him he probably should do it at home and Dean stubbornly refusing to do that; his celebrity crush had never come up. But as Pam's grin continued to widen and her shoulders kept shaking he felt like he'd missed out. "You-! You know! You _knew!_" Dean wasn't sure what he was more pissed about, that Pamela somehow knew about his secret crush or that she'd known that Cas went there and let him to discover it on his own.

"Relax sweet cheeks," she laughed, "for one, I heard it from a friend who heard it from a friend. Seemed like relevant information. And two, I'm surprised you _didn't _know. But it was all worth it to see that face you've got on right now."

"You're the devil aren't you?" Dean accused, glaring.

"Hey now, I'm not that bad. I'm helping you out aren't I?" she teased, a little gentler. Her brother was a professional dancer out west who cross-dressed so the case hit close to her heart and it wasn't like she'd always been the most legally or parentaly abiding of people in her own childhood so she didn't have a lot of moral qualms with the situation. That and it helped she'd taken a liking to Dean. He was refreshing. Determined, passionate, hard working and way too easy to shake up. His insults needed work too.

"I guess," Dean had to agree, slumping in his chair and letting his legs spread.

"Hey now, ladies don't slouch or spread like that," Pam teased, winking, "especially in a skirt."

"Oh can it," Dean muttered but straightened himself anyway. "Seriously tho', I'm screwed."

"I think you'll be all right," Pam tried to offer as she stood up straight. "I know you're freaking out because you just bumped into your crush-"

"- In drag!-"

Pam rolled her eyes, " -maybe, but isn't this what you wanted? To go to this school? Be on your own and live as a girl 8 hours out of the day, 5 days a week and sometimes on the weekends? Would it really have changed how you dressed if you'd known before hand?"

Dean paused for a second and despite the hammering in his chest he knew he probably wouldn't have changed anything. Probably. Now it just seemed like there was more at stake. He shook his head.

"Good, 'cause I was about to send you straight home. Now buck up, I know you got more fire in your belly than that Winchester. You had the balls to pack up all your stuff, move to a new city on your own, and dress up as Deanna. I think you can walk down the hallway and say hi to him or at least exist in the same school."

"Yeah," Dean said nodding his head. "Yeah. You're right. I'm Dean -fucking- Winchester. I can do this. Thanks Pam," he said standing up and heading out of the office without looking back for a good bye. Now that some of his anxiety had been soothed his stomach had reminded him that he could eat two neighborhoods out of house and home and he hadn't had lunch yet.

But as he entered the cafeteria and saw Castiel Novak standing next to Lisa at the lunch table, he felt his courage liquify into his knees and then puddle out from his feet.

He was so. Screwed.


	2. Blue Berry

**A/N: **Oh an imagine Dean like a young Jensen, right around the pre-ballpark of Days of Our Lives. When he really had that feminine beauty to his face. If it helps you imagine it better.

Again, remember, this is a parody of a manga so some benefit of the doubt is required.

**Re-Written March 5th**

**Chapter 2: Blue Berry **

So, it turned out that Lisa knowing Cas wasn't really that different from the life he'd gotten comfortable in already. He never stayed very long at the table with them, getting called away or already being on the way out by the time Dean sat down.

With how anticlimactic the next few weeks had gone since they're bumping in, his massive freak out and phone call to Jo seemed a little excessive. Originally, he'd simply dropped a text to her. It wasn't like he needed someone there for him 24/7. He was damn good at taking care of himself and for years he'd dealt with some heavy hitter issues on his own and his gourd hadn't cracked yet. Apparently all it took was a little bit of sex on legs and Dean was reaching for the phone like, well, a girl in his book. (Dean had a neat little chart in his head with tickmarks and sliders for behavior he found acceptable in himself.) Jo had freaked out, demanded pictures, and freaked out again. Followed by a request for an autograph before she calmed down enough to listen to him have his panic attack. Here _he _was, one of the reasons Dean had made it through middle school and into high school at all. It was almost as cool as meeting Malcom or Angus Young, or any of the rotating members of AC/DC. What was worse, was that Cas was definitely prettier up close. And not even pretty like Dean was. (He wasn't sure yet if he wanted to grow into more masculine features or remain more androgynous). _He_ was pretty like cut granite. There was potential for immense warmth in those eyes but they always had too much of a shadow for Dean to see them as anything but sharp. So yeah, sharp cut, sparkly ass rocks.

Jo had been sympathetic for a little bit as he listed off just how gorgeous he was in person before telling him to buck up and not worry about it. And as lovely as a personality as Dean had (when he wasn't being an abrasive ass) and as fantastic as Dean looked (even when he was being an abrasive ass), worrying about his gender representation shouldn't really matter. As fairytale like as it would be the, likelihood of Cas taking a sexual interest in him were zero to none. He had well over enough girls to pick from and just because there might've been an 'in' with Lisa that didn't mean anything. Until anything happened Dean should just ignore it and go about his business as usual. He had enough to worry about.

Dean had taken that advice to heart. Not that it stopped him from jerking off in the shower to those long runners legs.

So business as usual.

"How do you eat so much and never gain a damn pound?" Lisa asked, frowning at the tray of food Dean had brought to the table.

He looked down, confused, and brushed a stray strand of hair back behind his ear. "It's a reasonably sized meal," he defended.

"For a mammoth," someone said from behind him.

"Hey Garth," Dean nodded his head in a hello, "and you can shut it. You put away just as much food as I do and I don't see any extra pounds on you."

"I guess we're just blessed with the right genetics," he responded with an easy smile, plopping down and stealing one of the cookies off of Lisa's plate.

"Hey now!"

"You were complaining about your weight, I thought it was an invitation," Garth defended. Dean laughed before shoveling potatoes into his mouth.

"Well you'll need those genetics anyway," Lisa muttered going back to her own meal.

"Huh?"

"We're having our fitness, test, endurance thing tomorrow morning, or did you forget?"

"Fitness-what now?"

"They do it every year at the start of the year and then another halfway through the year. Since they're all obsessed about children's health and all that fitness stuff we have to participate in a group of events and we get scored so they can send them to some facility somewhere that tells us if where we rank in the school systems."

"That sounds stupid."

"It is. But the higher we rank the more funding the school receives from the state."

"Still seems stupid," Dean mumbled and shoved a rather unattractive sized bite into his mouth. His cheeks puffed out a little as he tried to chew down the stubborn piece of chicken fried steak. Just as it was starting to break down into more manageable pieces Cas walked up, giving him a look. Dean wasn't aware someone could look so elegantly grossed out. Blushing furiously he ducked his head and force the piece down, feeling it scrape violently down his throat and chugging some milk afterwords. He remembered to use a napkin to wipe his mouth and made sure not to belch before glancing back up.

Even if Cas didn't pay much attention to him didn't mean that Dean wasn't going to try and make the best of impressions when he _was _paying attention. So far he'd just managed to come off like an idiot.

"You need something?" Lisa asked pushing aside her own food.

"Yeah, not much. Just figured I'd come by before I forgot. You borrowed my work book to copy notes? I need that later. Would you mind dropping it by the dorms?"

"Yeah sure. You know if you didn't have such an aversion to technology you could've just texted that to me," Lisa replied going back to her own food.

"A cell phone makes me too available, and I've always got the line at the dorms."

"You're just covering up for the fact that you don't know how to use the damn thing," Dean interjected and immediately wanted to put his foot into his mouth, but he didn't think he was that flexible.

Lisa paused for a moment before bursting out into laughter. Dean's face turned a little red. Where had that come from? He'd just been thinking about the conversation and listening to Cas talk and forgetting for a moment that they weren't friends and he couldn't just talk to him so casually and then his filter had completely crashed and burned and then- Cas laughed a little. It wasn't much, maybe more like an amused snort. But it was definitely there.

"Thank you for your input Miss Deanna," he replied, shook his head in amusement, and then turned to walk away with a short good bye.

"I'm an idiot," Dean muttered as he shoved his food tray aside and buried his head in his hands.

"I've heard stupider things said," Garth tried to offer, eager to be helpful. It earned him a roll to the arm.

"I think he likes you," Lisa offered off-handedly. "You've got spunk, he likes that. People walk egg shells around the guy, you know? 'Cause he's all serious and proper and a star." Dean felt himself smiling and Lisa squinted at him. "Does it matter to you if he likes you?"

Dean's gears halted for two seconds as he tried not to look like he had the biggest crush since Cassie's cousin who was older and very handsome and only came around during the summers. "Of course it matters. I think I'm a pretty likeable gu-person," Dean muttered. "I think I get along great with everybody."

Lisa laughed, "Everybody. Right. Well, if it helps he doesn't hate you."

It wasn't anywhere on the path to friendship, which if he was going to be honest about it was really all he realistically hoped for, but it was a start. Another chance presented itself a little faster than Dean could've expected, and maybe sooner than he was prepared for. Garth was jogging up to him with a book and a little stack of papers, waving one hand frantically in the air.

"You all right there," Dean asked as he closed his locker and straightened out his skirt. He slid into his jacket and buttoned it up as Garth gathered his breath.

"Yeah, fine. I'm gonna miss my bus. Here- Lisa asked me to- they're Castiel's. She had an emergency, asked me to do it -but the bus."

"What am I doing?"

Garth shoved the pile into Dean's confused arms. "His dorm rooms B234, he's in one of the co-ed dorms instead of the all male one."

"But wait-I don't know- Damn it Garth!" he yelled as his friend ran off with a thankful grin. "I didn't even say I'd do it," he muttered bitterly. He stared at the stack in his hands and sighed. Might as well. If nothing else he could be nice. The grumpiness he'd developed from the encounter kept him from freaking out about seeing the place were Cas lived. It was good too since Dean never even made it to the dorm when a familiar shadow spread over him.

"Miss Deana, not your usual route is it?" Cas asked politely, falling into step with Dean, who freaked the second he heard a voice behind him and nearly dropped everything to the floor. Which, he bitterly thought, would've served him right for sneaking up on him.

"Not that it's any of your business but it's not," Dean shot back, trying to hide how spooked he was. Anger was always a great way to go. "I was bringing you these."

Castiel looked confused until he focused on the stack of items in Dean's hands. He made a soft 'oh' sound before reaching over to grab them from him. They're fingers brushed and Dean made his knees lock in place so that he wouldn't jump thirty feet back and take off in a sprint. Dean Winchester did not need to be any weirder than he already was. The less attention the better. Besides, it wasn't like this was his first crush. (Except it kind of was, and that was even if he refused to admit it. Denial was something that he happened to be an expert at. If he could get a degree in it he'd get a masters and maybe write a few books and retire to teach a class at Harvard or something.)

"Thank you, I thought Lisa was," he started but then trailed off, "well, never mind. Thank you nonetheless. You didn't have to."

"Don't mention it," Dean grumbled, trying to hide how pleased he was.

They stood there for a few moments, a little awkwardly before Cas spoke up again. "Would you like me to walk you to your dorm?"

"Ah, no thanks," Dean shot out. The last thing he needed was someone following him home and having his entire thing unravel. "I live off-campus. Student housing, apartments. So, it's pretty far away."

Cas frowned and tucked the books underneath an arm. "Are you sure? It's not safe for a woman to be walking around in the evening by herself. An hour or so and the sun will start going down. It's still winter afterall."

Dean hummed inside and wished that they'd met under easier circumstances. He was a boy and none of the articles had indicated that he held affections for men, but it still made his skin tingle that there might be a chance. He liked the way it felt. But still. He had responsibilities. At the very least he could now agree with Lisa, Cas didn't seem to hate him. "That's all right. My dad put me through martial arts and," he dug in his bag and slid a container out a little bit from the outside pocket. "I think I'll be all right. And the bus stop is right around the corner. But- uhm. Thank you, Castiel," Dean said, starting to move backwards.

He back peddled a little too quickly and tripped backwards, Cas launched forward and caught him, pulling him back up and stepping back. The contact was too brief for it to count as anything out of a romantic movie but it had still made Dean's heart speed up, and not just because for a second he was sure he was going to crack his head open and die. Cas smiled at him, lip quirked upwards, "You'll be all right huh?"

"The ground can be very deceptive, I'll give you that," Dean conceded and turned to look at what he'd tripped over. Pretty much nothing.

"If you say so. Get home Miss Deanna, text someone, Lisa perhaps, that you arrived home safely," Cas said adjusting his belongings.

"See texting does have it's uses Mr. Anti-Technology."

"Perhaps. Then again I've never met someone quite as clumsy to have to worry about."

Dean turned around with a small wave good bye and marched towards the sidewalk that would take him to the bus stop. His face felt like it was on fire and his blood hummed with energy. If he didn't know he would've called that flirting. It wasn't too much different from how he saw Lisa and Cas interact but Dean could fantasize. As long as he kept his hands to himself and everything hidden under the skirt he was allowed to fantasize. Cas had been right about it getting dark quickly but Dean had himself one small moment of watching the sunset slip down behind the horizon as he zoned out on the bus. Things were hardly perfect but he couldn't argue with the pleased, low buzzing in his stomach.

He got home and stripped into a roomy pair of sweats and popped off his bra with a relieved sigh. He might not have had breasts to put into them but that didn't mean that when the band that came around his chest that his skin didn't breathe a little sigh of relief. It was a very satisfying feeling. Dean yawned, and stretched, scratching his stomach as he dug around the fridge for dinner. A hot dog with some mustard on it would have to do. He'd have to go shopping, and pick up a few more hours at the garage. He wasn't going to have time to do either until the weekend so for now bread, mustard, and little rolls of pork and beef dogs would have to do.

Dean went to bed with a decently full belly and a warm thoughts to tuck him in.

Which of course all had to go to hell because that's how the world worked for him.

He'd forgotten about the fitness test and dressed as per usual. It didn't even register until he was being herded with the rest of the people in his class into the locker rooms, which he'd never been in either. (Pam had forged him an excused note for P.E. , which she hadn't been happy about but couldn't argue once Dean put on his schmooze factor. The fitness test hadn't been discussed.) This was something that he and Jo had thought about before putting their little scheme into place. It had been one of the biggest 'x' warnings that they could've thought of for this plan to succeed. And here he was thrown into the worst case scenario.

Without his own sweats. Stuck in a locker room full of girls. Having to get changed. Dean's only blessing was that it looked like there were several girls that were ducking into the bathrooms to change. (Another thing that didn't come up very often for Dean, public bathroom use. He could usually power it through the day without having to use any of the facilities.)

"Deanna!"

Dean flinched and froze. Lisa was walking up to him, waving enthusiastically, already dressed in her gym clothes.

"Hey Lisa," he responded.

"Why the sour face?" Lisa asked and laughed, "by the way Deanna, this is Sarah Blake, I figured you two might get along so."

"I've heard a lot about you," Sarah said holding her hand out. Dean nodded and shook it, before pulling back.

"I forgot about this-thing."

"Do you need an extra pair of shorts? I think I've got a pair," Sarah offered kindly. Dean glanced at the length of the shorts that she was wearing and tried to politely decline. Everything would show. "Here, I'll be right back."

"No that's ok- wait-. Damn it," Dean muttered as Lisa stared at him.

"Don't tell me the great Deanna Winchester is shy all of a sudden."

He couldn't even think of a good explanation for it. Luckily he was saved by one of the female coaches coming out holding a massive pile of spares. The shorts he managed to grab weren't quite the length he'd preferred but they certainly left a lot more to the imagination. He gave Sarah his best apologetic smile when she jogged up with her extra pair. It was a shame, she really seemed like a sweet girl and at home he would've worn them in a heartbeat. Once dressed, they finally filed out onto the field, the boys and girls being separated into groups. Dean was surprised to learn that the athletes were placed into a different section all on their own. He was even more surprised to see Cas not with them.

"Hey Lisa, where's Cas?" he asked, looking around the field.

"Somewhere I'm sure," she replied, bored.

"No, I mean. Isn't he supposed to be over there with the track people? The athletes?"

"Oh, you didn't know?" she asked as they lined up in groups for the 100 meter dash.

"Know what?"

"He quit the team."

"What?!" exploded from Dean, unhindered. Lisa winced and frowned not understanding what the big deal was. Before she could ask any questions Dean turned away from the group to find him. He hunted Cas down at the water fountains and grabbed him roughly by the arm, spinning him around.

"You quit?"

"Quit what exactly?" Cas asked confused and a tight frown on his lips. He didn't appreciate being yanked around.

"Track team!"

Cas raised a thin eyebrow, "I didn't realize I needed your permission to quit."

"But that's – it's why- what the hell Cas?"

"I'm not sure it's any of your business, Deanna."

Before Dean could shoot off another rebuttal the whistle blew and a coach angrily called the two of them over. He knew that it was Cas' life and it wasn't like they were friends or that Castiel owed him anything. But, it had been such a big part of what had driven him for years. Inspired him. If the perfect image of the guy didn't have enough cracks in it already it sure as hell was threatening to split into pieces now. Sure showed him not to trust magazine clippings and videos. Dean tried to work out the frustration that he'd built up with the conversation by pushing his all into the fitness events, something he had originally intended not to do. He knew he was fit, he could lift weights, albeit small ones (he wasn't working on bulk), he had strong legs and great endurance. But it wasn't something he wanted to show off, especially since it could (under heavy scrutiny) come into conflict with his doctors slip from Pamela. But he was too angry to be worried.

He sprinted and took off, did his jumps and went through the course as instructed to do, only pausing to make sure he was still well tucked in and nothing showed. He also told himself that it was better he finished quickly, it meant less time people would spend staring at him. Of course the plan backfired as Ash, one of their on and off again lunch table companions showed off the little timer to the people around him. Dean felt a sinking feeling spread across his gut. Sure enough, Ash pointed a finger at him and a swarm of what he assumed were recruiters or vp's of different teams began to wander in his direction.

"Damn it," he swore and re-tied the pony-tail in his hair. He pulled his shirt down further and found the nearest exit out of the situation. He slipped into a mass of students trying to recover from their mile run and easily made his way out. The teams were a little irritatingly persistent he noticed as he had to take off running again, jumping over small flower beds in an effort to get away. This was not at all how he'd wanted the day to turn out. By the time he'd skidded around the equipment building there was a massive swarm of people gathered looking for him. Dean dove behind a bush and ignored whatever solid mass he'd hit, rolling and trying to tuck himself close to the bush.

"Cas!"

Dean froze, eyes wide as he tried to push himself further into the bush. Castiel stared at him and then stood up, moving to the other side of the bush.

"Can I help you?"

"You seen Winchester? Her scores just blew everyone out of the water! She's a natural. We gotta have her on our team!"

"I think she went that way," he said pointing in the opposite direction, over Dean's head.

They nodded and Cas waited until they'd disappeared before crouching down again next to Dean. "A natural, huh?"

"Oh shut up," Dean mumbled, pulling himself out of the corner he'd wedged himself into and picking leaves and twigs out of his hair. He'd somehow managed to get a few scrapes on his arm too. Cas stayed there, legs bent and watched Dean grumble about nature and team sports. It put a smile on his face. Cas felt a stirring of remorse.

"Deanna."

"Huh?"

"About earlier, I did not mean to come off so harsh."

"Don't worry about it," Dean grumbled, standing up and straightening himself on the hill. "Wasn't my business anyway."

"No, it's all right. I don't talk to a lot of people, believe it or not," Castiel offered. Deanna really wasn't that bad of a girl, a lot like Lisa and he liked Lisa a lot. It helped that the more time he seemed to spend with Deanna the more gorgeous she became. If anyone had asked him before that moment if he knew someone who could make leaves and twigs look cute, he would've told them no. Now, he wasn't so sure. "I just, it happened awhile ago and I."

"Really, don't worry about it," Dean replied turning away, a bright blush on his cheeks. He started to walk off.

"No wait- Deanna hold on." Cas reached out to stop her, grabbing a piece of her shirt by accident. His footing lost itself and he ended up pulling Dean back a little harsher than he'd intended. Dean stumbled a little and as he tried to balance himself, felt his feet slip out from underneath him and he took a small tumble down the hill, head smacking against the trash can once he slowed down. "Damn it! Deanna?!" Cas exclaimed, taking off after her. He reached a hand behind her and gently cradled her forward. "Deanna?" he asked again, shaking her softly. Her eyes fluttered a bit but the words that came out of her mouth weren't coherent. He looked around trying to see if there was anyone nearby that could help.

Of course there wasn't. He sighed and moved his other hand underneath her legs and picked her up, spending awhile adjusting her in his arms before starting to march towards the nurses office. His face burned a little with embarrassment and his gut churned with guilt. If he hadn't completely come off like an ass before, he sure as hell was now. Pamela greeted him with shock and surprise and then thanked him, turning him away before he could inquire about her well being. The scrapes at the very least looked bad.

He knew he couldn't exactly lurk around the entire day, but that didn't stop him from stopping by the infirmary every so often to glance to see how she was doing. After he knew she'd be all right Cas would just ask Lisa about it and proceed from there. It seemed like the safest bet. What Cas hadn't been expecting was for the bed to be empty when he came to check up on Deanna during lunch time. Nor had he expected that as he was about to leave the hallway to join everyone else at lunch that someone he'd never seen before was going to walk out of the infirmary.

It was a boy. Gorgeous. Green eyes that reminded him of someone, something fierce. He watched as he gave Pamela a hug and waved a note as he said thank you. Castiel noted that he had a little bag with what seemed like a uniform tucked into it, the guy himself was in a pair of sweats and a loose t-shirt. He desperately wanted the boy to turn around but no amount of will power seemed to sway the world to his whim. There was a strange curiosity stirring in him as he watched the boy walk off. If he was the betting type he'd almost be willing to put down his college fund on that being... but the hair was short... too short.

He swallowed the nerves in his stomach and walked up to the office. He knocked and after hearing Pam's soft 'enter' he slipped in.

"Oh, Castiel, how are you?" she asked pleasantly.

"Fine, thank you. I was wondering how Deanna was doing, since I am responsible for letting her tumble down the hill anyway."

Pam laughed, "With her clumsiness I doubt you had much to do with it. And she's fine. I've sent her home for today. You missed her a little while ago."

"Oh, right. Well, thank you. I'm sorry for the disturbance," Cas mumbled and flashed what he hoped was a convincing smile.

"Don't be a stranger," she called back as he closed the door.

His heart hammered in his chest as he tried to think about it logically. Logical was always his strong suite and had never led him wrong.

The guy he'd seen walk out of the office had to be Deanna. There wasn't another explanation for it. Not one that made sense to him anyway. (A part of his brain tried to argue really flat chested, extension wearing Deanna but it didn't match up in his head right.) The guy had felt male.

Cas spent the rest of lunch in the bathroom, staring at himself in the mirror and wondering what to do with the information.

Deanna Winchester might be a man.


	3. Black Berry

**A/N: **I'm having way too much fun with this. I drew Deanna. You can find it on my work tumblr. .com. Turned out way girlier than I intended tbh but drawing a man who looks passes as a girl but is still a man is a little hard. [/is shot for sucking at art]

Alibi is doing well too. I know have about 24 pages of short hand notes ready to go. Still have to fine tune some things but a preview snippet should be out here soon and then my next big project is going to start. School has started for me so if updates get a weird schedule I'm sorry! But look out for news on Alibi, the snippet will probably be released on my tumblr.

**Re-Written March 5th **

**Chapter 3: Black Berry**

When Castiel got home to his dorm that night he ignored his roommate, crawled into his bunk, slid the privacy curtain shut and stared up at the ceiling. People could very easily resemble each other. He knew for a fact there were at least two people attending the school that could easily pass for his cousins. He was just drawing crazy conclusions. Besides, would it even matter? Why was he still even thinking about it? Maybe, Deanna had a brother who'd come to pick up her stuff. That made sense. Of course, she had a sibling. Cas groaned into his arm and rolled over. He had perhaps hung out with Deanna four, five times? He wasn't sexually repressed enough to deny that he was definitely attracted to her, so there was already an automatic bit of interest in her life. Admitted he also wasn't the type to care too much about that part of human nature so it had to be her personality. She was brash, very straight forward and a lot of the things she did confused him. He liked puzzles.

That's why he was so focused, he told himself. It's because it was a puzzle. It was something to figure out and something to spend his free time on now that he'd quit the team. He frowned as his gut poked at him a bit. Deanna had seemed extremely upset about him quitting. And it bothered him that it bothered her. A self-satisfied smile did creep onto his lips when he wondered about why she was so upset. They'd only known each other for a few weeks so she had to be a fan before they'd even met. For the first time that mattered to him. Cas stretched out in his bed and curled his arms around his pillow. If nothing else, he could take comfort in the fact that he might not be alone in becoming so quickly interested.

Still, he couldn't get the image out of his head of the boy that had walked out of the 'd looked so similar.

His tumbling thoughts kept him awake for the better part of the night and when he stumbled out of his dorm, he looked it too.

"You look like hell warmed you over, everything okay?"

Cas glanced up with a frown as Lisa walked over to him, adjusting the bow on her uniform. "I'm fine."

"Sure you are sunshine," she said with a delicate raise of her eyebrow, "but I'll take your word for it."

They fell into step beside each other. Just before they separated ways, Cas considered asking Lisa about Deanna, but lost his chance as the girl in question appeared at the end of the hallway and waved his friend over. His eyes followed Lisa jogging down the hall and when she reached the end of it they moved to meet Deanna's. An involuntary smile itched at his lips as she waved at him and then quickly turned her head away, hurrying down the other hall with Lisa in tow.

"What are you smiling about?" Cas felt a weight on his shoulder as an arm draped around him. He glanced to the sided and shrugged off the arm.

"Uriel, you're heavy."

Uriel chuckled and moved away, holding his hands up in a 'you win' gesture. His eyes gleamed in mischief. Of course he'd seen who Cas was looking at. He had to admit she wasn't his usual type, but then again Cas notoriously didn't have a type. If it weren't for the few moments he'd personally been there for he would've agreed with the rumor that he was asexual.

"You've been absent a lot lately," Uriel remarked as they made their way to class.

"Absent? Hardly."

"I'm not the only one that's noticed. Our table is very empty more often than not, we're just wondering where you've gone lurking off to."

"Nowhere important. I'm allowed to do things without you," Cas grumbled out, pulling the door to the classroom open a little harder than he'd intended to. Uriel only smiled and spent the rest of the day staring at Cas' back with an agitating 'I know things' look.

It made Cas' frustration start simmering and then boiling. By the time they'd reached lunch time he marched straight past his friends and to Lisa's table. Uriel's prodding had even made him completely forget the little incident with Deanna, that is, until he saw her sitting at the table. She looked up and beamed at him. Cas tried to search the features, find something that would identify him as a male but everything seemed fairly androgynous. He had to stop his eyes from wandering lower. Regardless of the gender it seemed a little rude and pervy to try and check out 'the goods'. And while he was curios it really wasn't any of his business what was under the dress unless he was about to get under it. He sighed and bit the inside of his cheek to gather himself together. Honestly, what the hell was wrong with him.

"Damn, Lisa. You were right. Cas, you look like shit."

Cas almost bristled, he didn't look _that _bad, but found himself giving a tired smile instead. Lisa scooted over so that he could sit down with his tray, across from Deanna. "I may have gotten an hour or two less sleep than required."

Deanna laughed and shook her head. She made some vague comment about the types of things that might keep him up late at night but Cas found he wasn't really paying attention. Instead he rested his chin on his hand and interrupted. "Deanna, do you have any siblings?"

She paused, blinking owlishly before her face scrunched together, confused. "Uh, yeah, I do. Why?"

"Just curious. It seems that you perhaps know more about me than I you. I believe I'm at a disadvantage here." Cas counted it as a victory when Deanna went bright red. She stared accusingly at Lisa who shrugged helplessly. So he had been right. It had been a hunch but Deanna was definitely a fan. "I wouldn't glare at her, I made the assumption when you became distressed over my quitting the team. You've barely been here for a month. I doubt you would feel so strongly without prior interest. You don't seem to be brimming with school spirit."

"Yeah, so what if I do? Have interest," she shot back, cheeks still flushed red. If Cas had to guess it looked like she was about to flip the table over and storm off. He laughed.

"Don't worry, I'm honored. I am. I just felt that it'd be fair to know a little more about you."

"Right, fine. Well," Deanna started, struggling for words. She'd expected ridicule and seemed a little unsure on how to handle an acceptance. "Yeah. I may have followed, some of the events. And crap. And... yeah."

"So, your siblings?"

Deanna visibly brightened. "Oh yeah, I have a brother. He's a friggin' genius. I swear that kid's going far. He's fuckin' brilliant."

Cas felt himself relax. Of course, good, a brother. That made sense. Everything made sense again. "I'm sure he is, I wouldn't expect anything different."

Deanna frowned, "What's that supposed to mean."

"Nothing, nothing," he turned to Lisa. "Listen, I've got the dorm room to myself if you wanted to drop by for a little. A bit of relaxing before the semester really picks up." He turned to Deanna, "you're invited as well, of course. Lisa knows where I am, should you choose to come." Cas got up, leaving most of his food uneaten and in a considerably better mood than he had been earlier that day. He didn't like it when things didn't add up. At all. It made it hard to focus.

His mood inched a little higher when there was a knocking on his door that evening and standing behind a beaming Lisa, was a disgruntled looking Deanna. He chuckled as he opened the door, leaving it open as per dorm policies, and letting them in. "You didn't have to come if you didn't want to."

Deanna huffed and glared at him a little before taking a look around his room. Her eyes swept over the few posters, most of them his roommates, the neat desk with a few notebooks on it, and the piles of clothes (also his roommates) strewn across the floor. She walked over to the desk and her fingers twitched to reach out and touch the single picture tucked away under a few loose papers. Cas reached forward before she could, fingers wrapping around her wrist and gently tugging her hand away. "Some things are private," he told her with a smile that he hoped wasn't too cold. Just because he'd taken an interest in her didn't mean she got free reign over his private life.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to- I was just," she turned away from the desk and found a beanbag chair to slip into. The visual image of her struggling to drop into it with grace made him immediately forget the small intrusion into his private life.

"You need help?"

"I'm fine, thank you," she shot back, grumbling as she punched the bean bag into place. "You're the one with the dysfunctional bean bag."

"It's technically not his," Lisa offered from her spot on Cas' bed. "Most of this junk is actually not his."

"Huh," Deanna remarked looking around, "figured you wouldn't have a lot of personal stuff around." Cas frowned at the comment, and continued to keep the mental frown throughout the rest of the night.

He'd been doing just fine with where he stood with Deanna and then she had to go an make a comment that shouldn't have meant anything. Hadn't he been the one to pull her away when she went to reach for the photo? It was an accurate and factually true statement. He was withdrawn and really did not like people in his business. He was in the spotlight enough because of his achievements (although less lately) and enjoyed to be alone. Cas had never before felt the need to put up things that showcased who he was, he liked to keep his space practical. It bothered him that while they chatted away, playing some shooting game on his roommates game console (which he noted Deanna was very skilled at), that he felt the need to fill the room with more of his belongings. Cas found himself not wanting to seem closed off.

A voice came over the speakers just as Deanna and Lisa started their fourth round, announcing the end of visiting hours. Lisa and Deanna got up, teasing each other and laughing and Cas found himself wanting to be a part of it. Lisa moved forward to give him a hug and a quick peck on the cheek. Deanna gave a shy wave and started to follow her friend out the door. Following the tug in his gut he reached forward and grabbed her shoulder. "Hey, hold on a second."

"You need something?" she asked, squinting at him a bit like he'd grown an unnecessary extra limb. She held up her hand and stepped out into the hallway to tell Lisa to go ahead. She lived on her own anyway and it'd be smarter for Lisa to head to her own dorm. Deanna stepped back inside, "So?"

Cas stood rigid, wondering what the hell had gotten into him and then took a deep breath. He wasn't very good at having friends even if there were a lot of people he associated with. Uriel, Anna, Rachel, and Zachariah were hardly close friends the way other people had them. The only thing they shared together was competition. They'd been on the same team and while they'd taken his quitting hard, their relationship felt very formal. Close, perhaps, but formal. He'd been shocked when Lisa and him had hit it off as well. He'd met her in middle school, she'd been best friends with the manager of their little team and came to most of the events. She'd been there when he'd gotten hurt.

"Here," Castiel muttered going to his desk. He pulled out the photo and grumpily handed it over.

Deanna took it with a soft awe peeking out from underneath her features. "I thought you didn't-"

"We're friends right? Or starting to be, might as well show you a picture," Cas offered, shrugging his shoulders but keeping them tightly against his body.

"Oh."

"Who are they?" she asked finally, handing the photo back.

Cas sighed and held it between them, "that's my dad and my mom. The girl next to me is Anna, you've seen her around before I'm sure, if you know as much about my track business you might've run across her."

Deanna gave a crooked smile, "Nah, sorry. I mainly just focused on your progress. It was, impressive ya know."

"Impressive, right," Cas laughed and shook his head, "I digress. This was taken at the last track meet I went to before I quit."

"So, why did you, quit that is?" Deanna ventured out, sounding unsure. Her inquiries hadn't received a warm welcome the last time she tried but hey if Cas was going to put out the welcome at she might as well try.

"I got hurt," Cas replied. "Nothing too bad," he added after seeing her worried expression, "just bad enough to bench me for half a year. Not sure when you stopped getting updates but that kinda floored me. Haven't done anything since."

"Oh." The silence between them was only broken by another announcement that visitors had to leave the building.

"Let me walk you out," Cas offered, tucking the photo back under the piles of papers and sliding into his shoes. He led her down a few flights of stairs and waved hello to the guy working at the front desk. He assumed that he was the last person to have a guest logged in. He opened the door for Deanna.

"You know," she said pausing at the door. "I'm sorry that happened. I didn't know. I probably wouldn't have been as much of a dick about you quitting. But it's a damn shame, would've liked to have seen you compete."

Cas ran a hand through his hair and canted his hips to the side as he adjusted his stance. "Sorry."

"Don't be. You're the one not doing what you love. 'night Cas."

The door swung shut as Cas stared after her. She paused for a second to get her bearings before starting to wander off towards the bus stop, bag loosely strapped over her shoulder. He couldn't do anything but stare until she became nothing but a small dot in the distance.

He wondered when was the last time anyone had told him anything like that.

He continue to wonder about it well through the weekend. Cas found himself walking past the track field more than once, watching the weekend practices with a small frown on his face. His legs were itching by the end of the day. Before his injury, which in all reality had healed at that point, he would've gone running, burn off some of that nervous energy. Instead he found himself walking a few blocks to the student garage. Anyone with a legal driver's license, and who bought a permit with the school, could purchase a spot in the garage for whatever car they wished to bring to campus. Freshman were of course restricted unless it was necessary for a job or to take care of someone at home. Castiel had gotten his modest little Honda as a hand me down from his father when he'd bought himself a new car. They'd hauled it up to the campus that summer before his sophomore year had started.

"I guess this'll have to do," he muttered as he slid into the driver's seat. He fiddled with the radio without purpose. He knew it was broken but it helped to give his nervous fingers something to do. At the very least Sunday's meant that the traffic wouldn't be bad, he could drive without paying as much attention to the road as he usually did. The point was to clear his mind, not to have an anxiety attack about every car that drove too close to him.

Of course because some cruel god was in charge of his life the one reprieve he had was taken from him. The trustworthy little car started sputtering and hissing at him halfway through his drive, starting to idle and jerk around on the road as he brought it to the sidelines. There was an angry sounding 'clunk' as the car finally came to a stop. Cas got out of the car, ready to take a swing at it. He slammed the door shut and briefly apologized to it, before starting to move around the car to see what was wrong. It was an old car, yeah, but not so old it should break down on him out of nowhere.

"Damn it," he muttered as he dialed road side assistance. He got halfway through dialing before noticing a large sign peeking over the tops of a few trees. Cas snapped his phone shut and locked his car before running across the street and making his way around the three blocks. He'd been right with his hunch. It was a mechanic's shop. He made sure that he could see a tow truck in the yard before walking up. There were enough people in the lot for him to assume that they were still open.

Cas half jogged through the lot to the main office, pulling the door open and briefly glancing at the bell that jingled above him. "Excuse me, my car seems to have stalled on the road a few blocks over. I was wondering if you guys could help?"

The man behind the counter turned around and looked him up and down. "It'll cost ya $20 for the tow."

Cas blinked, cheaper than he had expected. "Yeah, sure of course. I don't know what's wrong with it so if you could take a look at it-"

"Let's get it towed in here first," the man, 'Rufus' Cas read off of his name tag, said. "You said a few blocks over?"

"Yeah, it's the Honda stranded on the shoulder on Monroe."

"All right, well we've got a few mechanics that don't have anything better to do than have their thumbs up their asses, if it's nothing bad you should be out of here in no time."

"Thanks, I really appreciate it."

"No appreciation necessary, kid. I'm making money so I'm happy."

"Right, so, here." Cas handed the keys over. He settled himself in one of the chairs as Rufus walked towards the back and barked at someone to go pick up a car and told someone named Dean to prep a space to look at it when it was brought in. Cas' ears perked up, at first warping the name into Deanna before hearing the guy's name said again. He chuckled at his own mistake as he picked up a magazine, he was getting a little bit obsessed.


	4. Goose Berry

**A/N: **Back again with another chapter. I'm slowing down the story as much as I can but I'm really not intending this to hit 100k or anything and manga's generally move pretty quickly. I hope the pace is all right for everyone.

**Re-Written March 5th **

**Chapter 4: Goose Berry **

Dean looked up as Rufus knocked loudly on the edge of the car he was working on. "There's a car being towed in for a quick look, just broke down. See if you could get it into driving condition would ya?"

He nodded and wiped his hands on a dirty towel, closing the hood to the Dodge he was fiddling with. Some of the parts in the engine had to be replaced but the car wasn't due for pick up for another few days. He had plenty of time to check out another car, and of course the more cars at his disposal the more commissions in his pocket. Dean was already thinking of the extra things he was going to spend the extra cash on as he strode towards the entryway to see the client and grab the keys to the car.

Sharp acid crawled up his chest to his throat, settling there, threatening to spill across his tongue and dribble to the garage floor. A dark cloud settled over him as he watched Cas hand over the keys to his car to their tow driver.

'Fuck-a-duck' he thought as he clenched his hands tightly. There was no way he was going to pull this off. He doubted Rufus would let him hide out in the working lot the entire time, at the very least depending on the damage he'd end up being the one to give him the keys back anyway if he was one of the last to close. His stomach clenched and unclenched as 'Tiny' walked up to him, tossing him the keys and put the car in neutral to push it the rest of the way into the garage area.

"Thing started sputtering or something and then kinda idled down, probably overheated or something, shouldn't take too long to fix."

"Right, yeah," Dean said, nodding. He sighed and pulled himself together. Just because he wore a skirt didn't mean he was a _girl._ He could deal with fixing a car and shoving it out as quickly as possible. Besides, all he had to do was not talk and not look at him. He was wearing a tight black shirt and ragged, torn, jeans with grease stains. His school uniform had a high waist that covered the sharp angles of his hips and the way the waist tied over his belly button made the top poof out forward. That with the inclusion of his bra gave him a rather convincing illusions of breasts, even if they barely made it to a B cup. So it wasn't like his physique would be recognizable, hopefully.

A deep sigh fluttered past his lips as he got into the car to attempt to turn it on. It made a few sputtering sounds before deciding to simply quit. He slumped his head back against the car seat. It sounded like a simple enough problem to fix. Dead battery seemed the best answer to the problem, he could just charge that up with a few jumpers, or if it was bad enough he was sure there was a replacement battery lying around somewhere. Dean was damn proud of the uniqueness of his Chevy Impala back at home, well, his dad's still at the moment, but for once he was glad for the stupidly generic car that Castiel had driven in with. The chances of them having a replacement battery in the worst case scenario was high.

So, he let himself relax in the car seat, indulging perhaps a little more than he should've been. He let his eyes roam around the car and for a moment getting himself get lost in the fantasy. Sitting in the passenger seat. He wondered what kind of driver Cas was. Dean laughed as he imagined him sitting up close to the wheel, eyes focused on the road and squinting. He would almost bet money that he drove like an old lady. The car was an automatic to boot so there went half the challenge of driving to begin with too.

There was a bang somewhere off in the yard and he struggled to pull himself out of his head space. He was starting to get a little creepy. Dean huffed and sat up, leaving the keys in so that he could rev the car while they put the clips into the battery. He let his hand run gently across the soft seat as he let himself out of the car. For a second he considered pulling in another car for the process but with how quickly the fix could be, especially after a check under the hood and seeing nothing else wrong, he went and dug around for the small volt charger. It wound run a current by itself once the switch was flipped on so that they didn't have to try and squeeze a second car in. Dean popped the clips on and anxiously glanced out of the small work shop area to the Lobby where Cas seemed to be sitting, one legged propped on top of the knee of the other, and reading one of the magazines they had strewn about the coffee table. He swallowed nervously and felt his belly quiver. "Get a grip Winchester," he muttered to himself as he fastened the clips. He turned the charge on and spent the next 15 minutes getting the car started.

Dean could've sworn his soul left his body as the car gave a satisfied purr and the engine sprung to life.

It was go time.

He wrung his hands together as he got up and out of the car, turning it off and going to unclip the car. He let the hood slide shut a little harder than he'd intended and winced. That's exactly what he needed on top of everything else, to damage Cas' car. Dean tried to look around for someone he could pass the keys off to but saw no one. He had two options, he could either stay in the garage and hide out or he could do his job and drive up and hand him the keys. Biting the bullet and telling himself the ordeal earned him a few beers when he got home he got back into the car, adjusted the mirror enough to be able to back himself out without hitting anything, and let the engine idle. There was a subtle tremor in his legs as he walked towards the door. The bell chimed a little too loudly in his opinion as he walked in. Dean kept his head down as he marched towards Cas, who'd looked up at the sound. He held out the keys and dropped his voice as low as he could, he hoped he wouldn't have to keep it up for too long, it would end up damaging his vocal chords and he didn't need to sound any more of an alto in his day to day life. "You've got the Honda?"

Cas nodded and reached out to take his keys, he let the magazine drop back onto the table but didn't say anything, instead staring at him curiously. Dean fought the need to wring his hands. "Pay at the desk. Battery needed a re-charge, if it happens again you're gonna need to replace it," he grumbled out never raising his head. Castiel still hadn't said anything and Dean felt like he was going to faint any second. Why wasn't he saying anything? Maybe he was just kind of a non-talkative dick to service people? Before he could say anything else he turned around and started walking towards the door.

"Excuse me, do I know you?"

Dean's heart sputtered before flat lining, there was a loud ringing in Dean's ears and he almost went running back into the garage to make makeshift shock paddles.

"Never met you in my life," Dean ground out, making his voice low and putting a little venom in it. Maybe if he just seemed like some grumpy fucker at a garage Castiel wouldn't push it.

"Are you sure?" Castiel asked walking towards him a little.

"Hey, buddy. Back up would ya? I fixed your car for you, and that's it, so kindly back the hell out of my personal space," Dean spat, raising his shoulders defensively.

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to-" Cas sputtered and Dean immediately felt bad, but he couldn't let his secret be found out. Especially not by _him_, never him. And if it ever did come out, Dean intended to be well on his way to Timbuktu by the time it went public. "I just. I thought I saw you at the academy."

Dean's insides turned to ice. At the Academy? When had he? Was he talking about Deanna or Dean, he hadn't even dressed as a male onc- 'Damn it'. He'd gotten dressed in casual clothes after the infirmary incident but there hadn't been anyone there. He'd made sure of that. Or... at least he _had _been sure of it. "The private school up the way? Man, I can barely afford groceries let alone school at a place like that. You've got the wrong dude." And that's where he left it. Dean shouldered his way out the door and barely missed Cas' soft 'I suppose you would be right.'

The weekend passed with Dean curled up in anxiety in his bed. He hadn't even gotten up to answer the phone when Jo rang, asking for her weekend update on how things were going. Not even the call to his land-line and a threat to come marching up there herself could get Dean motivated. For the most part he stared up at his ceiling or took long showers and stared at the blank tiles. Across them ran awful scenarios of what would happen when he got back to school. What if Cas had figured it out? What if... what if he'd already told everyone? God, he'd be a freak, he'd get kicked out and oh god his parents would know and then everything would be done with. He'd been so careless, so fucking careless. If by some miracle he managed to escape, which he was sure wouldn't happen, he'd make sure he never took that damn skirt off. Hell, he'd stop going to the bathroom at school if he had to. Whatever it took never to make such a bad mistake again.

His depression over the issue reached its worst when Dean pulled out a few of the boxes and started throwing random shit into them, angrily telling himself he might as well start packing now, save him the time. He nursed a beer (from two cases he'd brought with him, snuck from the Harvelle bar) and let himself get more and more into a mood, wishing he had something harder on him. But while Ellen could ignore a few small cases missing, there was no way they could've snuck the liquor. Dean made a mental note to get himself a fake ID if he made it past the weekend.

"I'm done for," he told himself Sunday night, scrubbing his hand angrily over the small stubble that he had started to grow. Most guys wouldn't even bother shaving with how little Dean had, but facial hair wasn't exactly something he needed to add to him appearing more masculine. (He was well aware that females could get facial hair too but he'd be damned if he was going to let it detract from the stereotype he strived so hard for. It was easier to pass.) He took his razor and went obsessively over his skin, hopping in the shower to shave the rest of his body too. Dean let himself relax a little as he went over his legs, enjoying the way his hand ran smoothly over his wet calf after the blade. With a short burst of humor, he thought to himself that even if he was caught, carted back to his parents, and put into therapy that was one thing he would never stop. The smoothness just felt too damn good.

He spent extra care on laying out his uniform that night, picking out accessories that were subtly feminine. Dean wasn't stupid enough to go all out because that would seem out of place and would probably set off a few alarms. For the first time since Jo's acceptance the outfit seemed to mock him as it lay stretched out across his bed. How had he even dared to think this could ever work? Almost two months in total and he was already in hot water. Couldn't he do anything on his own? And it'd been a stupid idea in the first place too. The rest of the night his fingers itched to pick up his cellphone and call up Jo but he just couldn't find the courage too. If anything he would call when the aftermath had faded. With a heavy sigh he picked out his favorite underwear, running a thumb over the soft cotton and smiling bitterly at the design (black pin striped with blue lace trim, the same with the bra). If it was going to be his last day as Deanna, he was going to go out with a bang.

The next day left Dean more exhausted than he could've thought, but in the best of ways. When he'd first walked in everything was normal, Lisa greeted him as she usually did, by giving her a warm, one armed hug and quick side peck on the cheek his he returned with a cheerful 'Good morning, Sweet heart.'

"You look awful," Lisa commented.

"And here I thought I looked pretty good today," Dean bit back with an eye roll. And he really had. Sure he hadn't gotten much sleep but he'd taken special care with his make up and liked to think he'd dolled himself up pretty nicely.

"That's not what I meant and you know it," Lisa replied, nudging him lightly in the rib with her elbow. "Your eyes seem tired. And those are hard to hide with make up."

"Hide... yeah," Dean mumbled back, anxiety creeping back into his shoulders.

The rest of the day he spent practically sprinting from class to class, to the point where he was considering joining a speed walking team. If his reputation was forever ruined surely that was a way to salvage some of it. Speed walking champion for America. He'd make them proud.

Dean had tried to make himself as scarce as possible throughout the other day, purposely taking out of the way routes just in case he bumped into Cas, but the closer lunch time rolled around the less he could avoid it. Just as the bell rang he cursed. He could've faked a period to go see Pamela and ask her for advice but he'd been too busy with his head up his ass to think clearly. (Although it did remind him to check the fake schedule he made just in case. The more authentic his facade at school the easier it was to pass.) Dean also knew that he couldn't just skip lunch, if Lisa had been worried about him being tired in the morning, skipping a meal would just be so far out of character she might start to pry.

Still, he couldn't find a way to make the bites of the burger go down, no matter how many small pieces he chewed it into. Eventually he swallowed with the help of a rather large gulp of water and almost sputtered it back out when Cas plopped down in front of him. It shouldn't have made him want to crawl out of his skin, he usually sat in front of him when he visited. Dean could feel Cas' eyes on him as he said hello to everyone at the table. For a horrifying moment when Cas responded his voice squeaked and he cursed it. Overcompensating wasn't going to fix anything. Sharp nails dug into his thigh and he looked down to find his hand clawed over some of the exposed skin next to his skirt. "Hey Cas," he whispered, letting his voice lilt in what he hoped was very feminine.

"Deanna," he acknowledge and a small, treacherous part of Dean eased. Surely if he knew or figured it out or asked question he would've gone straight for a 'Dean' pretend to have a Freudian slip or something just to see if he' responded or something. Cas was damn smart and he had to be able to be cunning.

He watched Cas take a sip of his drink and dig into his food, holding idle conversation with the others at the table. It didn't seem like it was any more or less than usual. Dean almost thought he was scott free when Lisa and Garth got up briefly to toss their Styrofoam trays into the trash. He started to move to go do the same when Cas spoke up. "Deanna."

"Hmm?" he hummed out, pleased to have capture a high tone.

"I'm thinking of having a few people over tonight for a few hours. Uriel is gone for the day and I like to take advantage of his absence whenever I can. I believe Lisa and one of her other friends will be attending. Unless you have work or some previous obligation, I would like for you to join."

Dean nearly fell over the bench, so he settled on sitting back down and trying to drown into the remainder of his bottle of juice. "No-no work. None whatsoever. Nope." He winced, 'way to repeat yourself dumbass'. He scolded himself and took the spork the school provided with the meal into the Styrofoam, digging small holes into it. It wasn't that weird for Cas to ask him to come over. This would make it the third or maybe fourth time, Dean was usually too exhilarated by the experience to try and remember if it was a daydream or he'd actually gone, to keep count. They'd wanted to be friends, Cas had said so and Dean had shown interest in return. The wording made him concerned but maybe he was just being too paranoid.

"That's good, you know Deanna. The funniest thing happened to me-" Dean swallowed hard "- I met someone at a garage, my car broke down over the weekend, who kinda looked like you."

"Oh?" Dean said, proud of himself for keeping a steady voice, only border lining on feigned weak interest.

Cas looked up at him, no real expression on his face, just like he was telling any other amusing anecdote in his life. "It was odd, it made me think, is your brother here? You mentioned having one and I was wondering if perhaps there was a relation."

"Not at all, he lives back home. Still in middle school, no way that kid could have a job at some shop or something. Small world tho', I guess right?" Dean's hand clenched at the edge of the seat on the bench as he tried to keep his heart from leaping out of his chest.

"Indeed, it was rather unnerving, I even checked for a fever when I got back home," Castiel said, with a small smile, seeming like he was laughing at himself. It seemed to Dean like Cas was genuinely simply amused by the encounter and Dean let himself relax a little. Maybe if he played this right...

"Well hey if you're feeling left out we could spend next weekend looking for your doppelganger?" Dean suggested hoping his voice sounded light.

"Doppelganger?"

Dean looked up at Lisa as she sat down, grateful that there was another person to help with the conversation. "Yeah, Cas here says he saw my clone or something sweating over a car or something so I offered to go hunting for his with him. Wanna join?"

Lisa faked a groan but her eyes twinkled, "Oh please no. One of Cas is plenty enough for me."

"I'm not sure how insulted I should be feeling," Cas said and despite his tone there was a small smile pulsing at the corners of his lips. He rolled his shoulders and shook his head and lifted his eyes back to Dean. "And it wasn't as if Deanna's stunt double was the kindest of people. Seemed a little like an ass. I'd very much enjoy just one of you as well, I find this personality much easier to have around for company."

The comment stung Dean a little but he couldn't let it show. If he'd been enough of a dick to convince Cas that there was no way the two could be the same he was in the clear waters. He tried to focused on the fact that in the same breath the other boy had also given him a compliment. "Enjoy my company huh? It's all the clever commentary I make, isn't it? And I bet I'm prettier than your weirdo friend too."

"Rest assured you are that," Cas said with a chuckle, his body relaxed. "Not that he was hideous, it's hard to hold that pattern of facial geometry and get the combination wrong."

"I wish I had good facial geometry," Garth quipped with no real heaviness to it. "Other people hogging all the good genes."

"I think you're adorable," Lisa offered and leaned into him.

"You're a sweet talker."

"An honest sweet talker," Lisa shot back as the bell rang.

They gathered their trays and made plans for heading over to Cas' dorm immediately after school. There weren't any after school activities and Cas assured them it wasn't a bother to have them over so often. It was actually going to be a welcome distraction. He felt somewhat assured that he'd simply imagined this man and similar facial features were common enough. It wasn't like he'd never been mistaken for other people before. The coincidences still tickled in his brain but he let the itch rest as he talked to Deanna. Surely with a secret that big she would've reacted more to it and the subtle hints that he'd dropped.

Most of the night was spent circulating two controls between the group, taking advantage of Uriel's absence to borrow several of his controllers as well. There conversation was mostly idle topics. Cas briefly mentioned his irritation at his roommate's constant nagging on his return to the track field and his continued refusal to do so. Maybe it was a mental issue but he simply didn't want to. He'd also been out of the game for so long he wasn't sure what it would be like. Despite admitting it to himself begrudgingly, Deanna's soft hand on his shoulder made him smile, and the understanding twitch of lips she flashed his way before stomping down on Garth's character, made him want to reach out and hug her. She was quickly becoming someone he wanted to be very good friends with, another Lisa perhaps in his life, even if he already knew it was going to be different. For one, every time his track issues were brought up, or Deanna let a fact about his sports career slip he felt an itch to go back out onto the field. The less she pressured him about it the more he wanted to get up and do something, anything, just to show her what she'd been following on TV before.

Lisa and Garth bailed out early, each wandering their separate ways to their own dorms and refusing Cas' offer to walk with either of them for company. Deanna stayed with him in the dorm room as they waited for a slow half an hour to pass before her bus would be anywhere near the station to bring her back home. It was oddly chilly with spotting rain and Cas wasn't about to let her stand out there alone in the cold. He didn't even have an umbrella to offer, although Deanna assured him she wasn't made of sugar no matter how sweet she looked. The clock slid to the half hour position as Deanna poured herself a cup of water before she left, Cas gathering some of her stuff up. As she was almost finished pouring her cup Cas mused out loud. "You know, if that guy was anything to judge by, you'd make a handsome man."

Deanna's fingers twitched and within seconds the entire pitcher had spilled down her pale uniform and skirt. Cas rushed to go grab a towel and just as the black and blue lace of her underwear began to show underneath the pale colors, sticking to the fabric, becoming more see through with every second, he averted his eyes to give her some privacy. But not before glancing down, he couldn't help it, and thinking he saw a slight bulge in her underwear, a little to the side and separate from her mound. He blinked his eyes and closed them tightly, shutting it out. He shouldn't have been staring in the first place.

"Damn it," Deanna cursed, face bright red.

"I didn't mean to startle you," Cas replied, keeping his back turned to her as she desperately tried to pat herself down and dry off. "You can- uhm. I can give you a change of clothes or?"

"No-no. Just.. .crap gimme a minute, it'll dry off."

"Will it dry off by the time the last bus comes?" Cas ventured out to ask, feeling guilty. He kept his hand firmly pressed over his eyes as they talked.

"Damn, I don't know, just," she sighed and he heard her settle herself in a chair, hearing the scrape of it. "You can turn around ya know, I'm modest."

Cas flushed a little anyway as he turned around, remembering the pattern of her bra. Deanna had covered about everything up, pressing the towel in intervals to herself. "Here..." Cas mumbled walking into the bathroom. He rummaged around a little to find a blow dryer. "Use this, and I'll, if you want I can just give you a ride. My car should be working fine unless the battery dies again."

Deanna nodded her head and bit her lip as she turned the blow dryer on, Cas having plugged it in near the desk. The next few moments were spent much tenser than they probably had any right to be. Cas worried that he'd ruined the uniform, even if it had been just water, and Deanna, Dean, utterly terrified of the car. He was actually a little thankful for the water spill, and a lot grateful that he'd worn a dark lacy pair of underwear. Nothing like a little flash of bra to push him more towards the feminine. It helped that it had actually been completely accidental. His worry was for the battery. He thought back how he'd gone over the car the weekend before and tried to catalog anything that could've been wrong with it. If it died again... if he got it towed back to Rufu's place. Then that was it, no more Deanna. He knew he passed both ways, that was much obvious, but showing up at his work place as he was? He'd never live it down, not with Rufus and Tiny. They knew him too well. They never pried about his life outside of the garage not particularly caring about it but it didn't help his paranoia.

As he'd dried himself off and settled himself into the car seat he'd imagined himself sitting in just a weekend before he found himself wishing he'd made time to talk to Pamela that day instead of just accepting that everything was okay after Cas hadn't started any trouble with him. His nerves ate away at his insides as he watched Castiel slide into the drivers seat. To Dean's great pleasure he didn't drive like an old man. Instead he had a casual hand rested on the steering wheel, the other resting on the gear shift despite it being an automatic. He did sit a little close to the wheel, and as Dean let himself get a little bit lost in watching Cas' profile as the street lights lit up his profile he remembered what had made him have his mishap to begin with.

Cas had called him handsome.

**A/N: R/R please. :) It makes my day. **

**Also; Update on Alibi: Character files being created, 3/5 done with complete plot detail. Cross young fingers for the first chapter to be released sometime soon. **

**Also; if you haven't seen it yet; Dean's uniform can be found at goodquestionharlie on tumblr. **


	5. Honey Berry

**A/N: **Sorry this chapter took a bit. My laptop crapped out and I couldn't really work but mini-old mouse to the rescue.

Remember to review. It gives me fodder to update and passion for numbing my ass off in the library to hammer out a new chapter. :]

**Chapter 5: Honey Berry**

Dean insisted that Cas not walk him up to his door or dorm. He'd almost even asked him to drive around the back, seeing as he never went this way when he was in drag. The only reason he hadn't, was because he'd already been behaving oddly enough. He didn't need to add any more weirdo factors to his life. They pulled up slowly and the car tires squealed quietly as they came to a stop. Cas looked up at the building, curious.

"Here, huh?"

"Yeah," Dean admitted, feeling extremely uncomfortable.

"Nice place," Cas marveled. It was tucked away in a very private area.

"Yeah, it is. I love it. It's quiet and the neighbors mind their own business."

"That's always a good thing," came the amused reply.

"Well, uh... thanks," Dean said after some silence had passed. Before he could loose his nerve he leaned across the car and gave Cas a tentative, split second hug. He swung the door open and rushed around it, trying not to trip over his feet. He gave a shy wave 'bye' before disappearing around the corner to take the back way up.

His face felt like it was on fire as he rounded the corner and made his way up the stairs, two at a time. He checked the hallway to make sure it was clear, and then sprinted down it, fumbling with his keys. Dean took in a relieved breath as his door slammed shut. He sank to the ground, letting his book bag drop and let out a deep sigh. Dean brought his knees up and slammed his head against them. Talk about embarrassing. A small pleased giggle did escape him without his allowing it.

"Handsome, huh?" he told his quiet apartment, wrapping his arms around himself. Was Cas into guys then? The comment could indicate it. Not that he'd have a single chance after coming off like an asshole, and then there was the school... Dean told himself to calm down as his imagination started galloping off with the possibilities in a perfect world. Maybe he could ask him one day, slip it into casual conversation. He stood up with a look at his book bag, deciding that there was no way he was going to be doing homework that night, and walked further into his apartment.

The kitchen light came on after a few flickers and the fridge made soft whirring sounds in the background. Dean settled himself into one of the chairs, opening his fridge door and sitting in front of it, aimlessly looking through the objects on the shelves. As his eyes roamed past the ketchup, he thought about Castiel's car and how it had felt so right to be sitting it. Well, 'right', when you looked past the constant fear that had been thrumming through him on the drive. Now, in the glow of the fluorescent lights in his kitchen, he could bask in the experience, drawing it around him like a warm blanket.

"I'm friggin' handsome!" Dean told the room as he hopped off the stool and pulled out a box of leftover Chinese.

He glanced at the clock on the wall and knew he technically had plenty of time to call Jo back at home, especially with the moment so fresh, but he found himself mentally wrapping it around himself possessively. It was his moment, and for now, he wanted to fantasize. Jo, as supportive as she was, wasn't going to help build him up to fall. Which would mean a swift fantasyblock of reality and facts and the fact that he was lying to everyone around him. A pit started stretching in his stomach. How would Cas react? Dean started eating less enthusiastically. If nothing else he wanted to keep the friendship (although at the rate he was going it would be impossible for him to separate the two) but he had to put himself into other people's shoes.

It shouldn't matter, it really shouldn't. But he knew it did. He hadn't expected to make attachments and friends after moving. Especially with Castiel. He'd lost everyone but Jo at home and had been generally miserable. He hadn't thought of what would happen if he started to have to make choices between his lifestyle and the opinions of the people around him. Before he could sink into a deeper pit of despair somewhere near the vicinity of the door a phone went off. He looked around confused for a moment, not thinking it was his phone. There was no reason for anyone to contact him this late. Eventually, he walked up to his bag and dug around, setting the box of rice on the counter. He dug around his pocket and saw an unknown number flashing on the screen.

Frowning, he flipped open his phone and walked back into the table. _'Hello'_.

Dean picked up his food again texted back, asking who it was.

"_Castiel. I apologize. I should have introduced myself first. Textual etiquette is a little baffling." _

Dean nearly chocked on his rice. He slid the box back into his fridge and rapidly texted back with a series of questions asking him how the hell he got a phone, and was texting.

"_I purchased one a few days ago. The package was waiting for me when I returned to the dorm." _

For a moment he struggled to believe it, almost calling Lisa to confirm this, but there wasn't anyone he knew that a) wrote using every single letter (most people still used at least some shortcuts for text limit) and b) it just _sounded _like him. It amused Dean to no end that even through texts he sounded the same. Every word he could hear clearly through his head. He sent back a snarky comment about Castiel succumbing to peer pressure.

"_I find that Lisa may have been correct about it's helpfulness in speaking to friends."_

Dean blushed in the kitchen, slowly working himself out of his clothes. "Friends, huh?"

"_Sleep well Deanna. I merely wanted to make sure you made it home safe."_

"Safe and sound, thanks to my knight in shinning armor." Dean hit send before he could take it back. It was meant to come out snarky and a little sarcastic, he could handle himself. It was endearing that Cas was checking up on him, but he realized re-reading it, that knight in shinning armor could come out a little sappier than he was comfortable with. To his relief he got a simple, 'Good Night Deanna' back.

Despite his little slip up, Dean couldn't help but feel relieved as he curled up in his bed, running his arms up and down his silky night gown. He paused for a second and sat up, going to the closet. He opened up a drawer and pulled out his nicest pair of boxer briefs. He slid them on underneath the the gown and fell asleep with the phone gently touched to his lips.

Following Cas' acquisition of a phone the next weeks seemed to want to make sure that Dean's happiness and luck was balanced out with a heaping pile of 'fuck you'.

Dean cursed himself for being so late. He'd spilled things in his last class,(who the hell let high school kids play around with tons of chemicals anyway), and had to stay after to clean it up. He'd spent half of the time mopping, and half of the time getting chewed out by the teacher. Dean didn't like her. He'd cleaned up the mess and said he was sorry. He didn't understand how that warranted a 20 minute lecture on "what if it had been acidic and burned through your clothes?" Dean had almost sarcastically shot back, "If that had happened we'd have a class room full of aneurisms and people questioning if those mushrooms at lunch had a little extra kick to 'em."

He glanced at his phone every few seconds, counting the minutes go by, praying he made it to the bus stop before having to wait another hour and some change. After about 4-5, the buses didn't come as frequently. There just wasn't a reason to. A loud screeching sound alerted Dean to the bus rolling in and he looked up from his phone. He prepared himself to sprint the last bit of the way when something off to the side caught his attention.

Cas.

Looking around, before he quietly walked up, Dean found himself not caring that he'd have to wait for another bus. Cas lived very far away from campus so it didn't really matter what time he was on school property, Dean had just never seen him near the track field voluntarily. He lurked in the corners as Cas stared out across the field. He stayed crouched in his position, as a guy he recognized as Uriel, walked up. They'd only brushed past each other before and never really talked, but just from vibe alone he wasn't Dean's favorite guy. A possessive part of him bristled as Uriel put a large hand on Castiel's shoulder. Bitterly, he thought how anyone with that large of a bulk could even be on the track team.

Dean watched, his legs starting to cramp from his position, as Cas shook his hand off and stepped a little backwards from the fence of the field. Uriel frowned a little but didn't let it deter him, saying something that made Cas' spine stiffen up and bring a hand to brush through his mussed hair. Dean wished he was closer because it looked like they were arguing, and he would've killed to know about what. A part of him realized that outside of their brief interactions, and a little more texting, he really didn't know much about Cas's life outside of sports scores and the interviews he'd seen.

Briefly, he let his mind wander to the disappointment he'd felt when first discovering about Cas' abrasive personality. Now, he was happy he he'd been wrong. Well, a little wrong. It helped him see a real person in front of him, and not some cardboard cut out. It also helped that he was developing a massive crush on the flesh and blood man...

"Deanna?"

Dean sprang up quickly and managed to slam his head on the over-bearing window sill, wincing and letting out a string of curses.

"Are you all right?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine," Dean replied scooting backwards and blushing. When had they stopped talking?

"If you're sure," Castiel replied, amused letting his hands slide into his pockets, tilting his head.

"You wouldn't believe me if I tried to lie, would you?" Dean asked rubbing the sore spot on his head.

"I'm afraid not."

"Okay then, what'd Uriel want?" Dean asked, straight to the point. If he'd been caught spying he might as well barrel into it with full force and a little 'oomph' behind it.

Castiel sighed and motioned for them to walk together. "Nothing too important. Just more dramatics about me joining the team again."

Dean stayed silent for a little. He noticed that Cas was directing them to the bus station and decided to go for it. "You looked like you wanted to."

Cas froze up for a little bit and Dean worried he'd gone too far, this was a sore subject for him. Cas sighed and stared up at the sky. Going by feeling, Dean pushed forward a little more, "I'm not wrong am I?"

"No... that would be a fair assumption to make," Cas admitted, eyes sliding to the side to glance briefly at Dean.

Dean sat down on the bench and patted the space next to him for Cas to sit down. They stayed silent for a little as Dean tried to figure out something to say. "Then don't do it for them."

"Hmm?"

"Don't do it for them," Dean reiterated moving so that their eyes met. There was a confused and slightly amused spark in Cas' eyes. "You don't have to be on team."

"I'm aware, as my current status would suggest."

"Smart-ass. You know what I mean. Do it on your own terms. You feel an itch, give it a shot."

Castiel hummed contemplatively.

Dean heard the screeching of the bus in the distance. He leaned over on the bench to see the front of the bus start to slowly turn down at the end of the street for the first campus stop. He sighed and straightened out his dress as he stood up, brushing a few fingers through his hair. He moved to stand in front of Cas so that he would have to look up at him. "It's just a suggestion, but I will say this. You're good at it, and I really think you love it. Especially if that look was anything to go by. Not a lot of people stand for 10 minutes staring at an empty field if they don't miss it."

"10 minutes huh?" Castiel teased, not feeling ready to respond to the actual statement and question.

"It's a figure of speech, Cas," Dean replied blushing a little, not actually knowing how long he'd stayed crouched in the shadows. The bus came to a halt and the doors opened with a soft hiss. "Think on it," Dean said stepping in and giving Cas a small wave of his fingers and what he hoped was an encouraging smile.

And think on it he did.

Castiel found himself lying in bed, staring up at the ceiling with his phone on his chest. He hadn't lied when he'd said that he needed it for ease of access, but really it was in hopes of speaking to Deanna more. Especially since her impromptu hug. She hadn't attempted it since and he'd found that he didn't know a tactful way to bring up that it was okay. More than just being attractive, and funny, she was insightful, and more often than not actually did have a point. She'd poised a damn good question that he couldn't get out of his head, it drummed in the back of his mind in a steady beat. He didn't have to join the team. And he did miss it. But he also wasn't sure what he would do if he failed. What if he was awful? He'd never live that down. National champion to fumbling fool in his natural element.

He sighed and pressed both of his hands against his head. Even in his head it felt like a stupid thing to worry about, but it was important to him. Hours ticked by as he laid in his bed, listening to Uriel's snoring. Just as he flipped his phone open to check the time, it buzzed, 'Deanna' flashing across the screen. Gut clenching a little oddly, he opened the message and broke out into a grin. '_Go to bed_.' Cas had to hold in his satisfied little laugh, feeling all of a sudden more relieved than he had all day. 'As you wish.' Followed by '_good_'.

The covers were warm from him having lain on them all night. He slipped underneath them and stretched out. He imagined the field in his mind and feeling the roar of blood in his ears. And then he imagined Deanna standing there, grinning at him and giving him a ridiculous thumbs up.

He stayed out all night at the field the next day. And the day after. And for the rest of the week.

After a few weeks like this he felt he was ready, just as everyone else was getting frustrated.

Dean sat down at the table, finding Cas absent again and it worried him. Yes they still talked, and there wasn't a lack of texts, but it bothered him that he didn't see him as much at school anymore. He'd even gone stalking the school grounds for a little but unable to find him. "Have any of you seen Cas?" he asked stabbing his chicken.

"No, not in awhile actually. Looks like our favorite celebrity has gone into hiding," Lisa commented, trying for casual, but everyone could tell she wasn't that pleased about being out of the loop either.

"I don't like this," Dean complained as quietly as he could. He felt like he'd really grown a uterus. Maybe he'd have to cut down on the panties and skirts, he was starting to get clingy.

The feeling didn't leave him for the rest of the day, and took off on a rocket ship into the stratosphere when he suddenly got a text from Cas asking if he was still on campus, and to come immediately if he wasn't... at 8 in the evening. Without thinking twice, he'd leapt off of his couch, in his sweats and a loose t-shirt, only by chance having kept the wig on, and sprinted out the door. Dean only grabbed his keys and phone. By luck he managed to wave down the 8 o clock bus. It dropped him off at the campus where the dorms were and he followed Cas' directions to the track field.

He looked around confused, most of the lights were being turned off, but he found a sweaty, panting Cas walking to the water fountain. Dean's heart started pounding and he suddenly wished he'd remembered to dress in something more prettier. Cas looked up and spotted him, a smile creeping to the edges of his mouth as he looked down embarrassed. Confused, Dean started walking forward. He paused in front of Cas and tried to get him to look at him, but Cas was all of a sudden shy.

"Cas, what is this?"

The other boy took in a deep breath and walked over to a pile of towels, fishing something out. He walked back with a little clock. "Time me."

"What?"

"It's just practice. And I know it's not... not what you want to see. But, just time me."

Dean's mouth went a little dry and he smiled. He felt pride flood out of him as they walked to the track, Cas setting up at the starting line. Dean was just happy to see him actually doing something, it didn't matter what. Castiel always looked his best in motion. He clicked the watch on as Cas took off, and Dean watched him round the field, exhilarated. He felt his own muscles twitching as Cas rounded the corner and Dean pressed stop.

He'd beat the intermediate record Dean had made on their fitness test day.

"Is that a challenge?" Dean joked, his heart hammering quickly in his chest.

"If you want it to be," Cas replied, hands on his knees, breathing heavily. He looked up and around, straightening himself out and taking controlled breaths, stretching. "I'm not there yet," he said, looking out at the field, but I will be."

"There's no rush," Dean replied walking forward with a towel, once again self-conscious of what he was wearing, and now starting to get worried about whether or not he passed. At least he had his hair. Cas accepted the towel with a grateful smile as the last of the lights were turned off. "I think the field's pulling the plug on your late night exercises. Too bad, I was gonna race you."

"I think it just might have," he replied as they walked off the field together. Cas took a swig of water, "if you're afraid of the dark." He stared at Dean.

"You trying to imply something?" Dean asked, putting both of his hands on his hips.

"A lap around the field doesn't take too long."

Dean knew he probably should've said no, and refused until the cows came home, but his blood was racing and he just had to. "You're buying me a burger when I win."

He tied his hair in a ponytail and mentally checked to make sure he was tucked in. He let himself stretch and did a few runs back and forth, giving Cas the middle finger at his amused expression. "You've had hours to warm up!" Cas simply shook his head and started doing slow stretches to keep his muscles warm. After Dean's fifth lap he stopped in front of Cas to do his final stretches. "So is this where you've been hiding out?"

Cas shrugged his shoulders. "Only at night. During the day I find myself exhausted. Apparently staying up late at night running yourself ragged doesn't bode well for the next morning."

"No shit," Dean laughed, as they both set themselves up on the starting line. "Any particular reason for it?"

"You."

Dean was momentarily stunned and could only see a flash of Cas' smug little smile as he took off.

"Cheater!" Dean screamed after him, propelling himself forward, determined to catch up.

To his surprise, he almost made it on time with Cas. Although if Dean was going to be honest, Cas had probably indulged him by slowing down a little. Either way, they both ended up sweaty and breathing heavily, staring at each other and trying not to break out into laughter that would take more air from their lungs. They kinda needed that.

"You ass. I don't have a change of clothes."

Cas laughed and shook his head, brushing back his sweat soaked hair with one hand. Dean felt a buzz in his stomach deciding he liked that look on Cas very much, and had to stop his thought train as he imagined Castiel soaked in sweat for other reasons. "I think I may have some spare clothes for you at my dorm, if you are comfortable coming with me."

"Won't Uriel mind?" Dean asked, straightening out and moving towards the gates with Cas. If nothing else he wanted to get a little cleaned up before the wind chill set in and cooled his sweat. He really didn't need to get sick.

"I'm not sure he's there. He's been spending a lot more time out of the dorm," Cas replied, shrugging. "Whether or not it has something to do with my continuous refusal of joining the team or something else I do not know. We don't speak as much as we used to."

"That's a shame."

"Not as big of one as you would think it is," Castiel replied with a little half smile. Dean decided he also very much liked that too, and spent the entire walk back to Castiel's dorm trying to think of ways to bring that expression back on his face.

Castiel manged to get them past the front desk without too many problems. Visiting hours were nearing their end, butt whatever magic powers Cas had he was apparently willing to use on Dean got them through easy. The door was left cracked. And true to the speculation Uriel was nowhere to be seen. Dean waited awkwardly in the center of the room as Cas looked around for a pair set of clothing for him. He stared at the door to the bathroom wistfully, wondering if he could somehow ask to take a shower. Apparently he was more obvious than he thought.

"I only have one towel, let me go ask someone else for a spare for myself," Castiel said walking over to the bathroom door and opening it. It was a long hallway that stretched between two dorm rooms with a small counter and a shower with a curtain, and a toilet in the corner. It was actually pretty luxurious. He walked to the other side to lock the door to the other room and walked back out handing her the towel. "I'll see if I can pilfer two. You may want to run the shower for a little while before stepping it. It takes an irritatingly long time to get warm."

Dean nodded, something in his stomach pittering about nervously. It was just a damn shower. In Cas' room.

Castiel seemed to notice her anxiety and shifted from foot to foot. "I could leave?"

"No-no. Don't be stupid. This is your room, thank you," Dean replied, snapping out of his thoughts. He stepped into the bathroom, leaving it cracked an inch so that Cas could just slide the towels in. He was starting to feel gross and needed a shower asap.

Dean let the shower run for a little awhile, the room starting to fill with steam just as Cas was getting back.

Castiel moved a chair to slightly stand against the main door, not wanting it to accidentally fly open or for someone to barge in when Deanna was taking a shower. He couldn't lock the front door but this was the least he could do. "Deanna? I've got your extra towel," he called out, walking over to the door. He heard the sound of water sloshing and assumed she had already stepped in. Squinting his eyes and trying not to see anything he walked over to the door knocking on it. There was a muffled yeah. "Towel?"

"Oh-thanks-just slide it in," came the equally muffled reply from somewhere underneath water. Cas scooted to the edge of the door and let the towel drop through the small slot in the door. He pulled back, but not before something caught his eye in his peripheral view. A) Deanna had not closed the flimsy excuse they had for a shower curtain, and as she turned a little in the shower, towards the stack of soaps, Castiel couldn't help but notice something that was definitely not traditionally on a female.

He swallowed thickly and inched back, face burning red. For one, he felt ashamed of himself for looking when he'd told himself he simply wouldn't do it. And he really hadn't meant to, or wanted to despite his libido. But Deanna's... equipment was a little difficult not to notice. Confusion roared through his brain as he sat down at his desk, trying to organize his thoughts together. He was starting to think that maybe he wasn't crazy. Maybe ….

But why would she be doing this?

And what was he going to do about the information?


	6. Frost Berry

**A/N: **I still don't have a beta for this story so uhm. Yeah. I know it's been awhile but here ya'll go. The next chapter is already in the works, pre-planned out (I really think you'll enjoy it). I've been busy with Alibi and now I'm working on finishing out Cardinal!verse re-writes so I can re-publish in July.

**Chapter 6: Frost Berry**

Dean sighed gratefully as he rubbed at his somewhat sore muscles. He lathered the soap between his hands before smoothly applying it over his legs and back. The extra towel lay somewhere on the floor where Cas had dropped it. The thrill of the run and having seen his idol in action was still thrumming steadily through his veins, almost making a desperate turn down south. Dean pinched his thigh in admonishment and told his body 'later'.

Before he was done with his shower he reached over to where he had tucked his wig underneath his clothes. It was stupid to shower in it but it would look strange if he stepped out, hair completely dry like he had never even been in. He grabbed a dab of shampoo and applied it gently through the strands before putting it under the spray and washing it like he would at home. With a sigh, he twisted the knob and the water trickled to a halt. He combed his real hair back with his fingers and fitted the wig on, praying that it wasn't sitting too weirdly. Dean hadn't really thought this entire deal out before he'd stepped into the shower. He'd just wanted to get the sweat off.

He scrubbed himself off with the towel provided and briefly considered putting his hair into one of those towel head toga's but decided against it. It could make his wig slide off and his hair was too wet for him to have attached the clips on the inside properly. Dean opened the door, after pulling the towel tightly around his chest and peeked out, looking for Cas.

"Cas?"

Not getting a response, he peered more around the room until he found a small pile of clothing on a chair that had been scooted closer to the bathroom door. There was a yellow sticky note on it. Glancing around nervously, he stepped out a little and tugged the chair closer. It was from Cas. It said he'd be back and that the sweats were his to borrow so that he didn't have to get back into his own sweaty clothing, and that he would be back shortly. Dean tried to surprise a smile as he snagged the clothes and retreated back into the steamy bathroom.

Unable to help himself, he brought the clothes up this nose and was disappointed to find that they didn't smell like Cas. "You're an idiot," he told himself, blushing, as he let the towel drop to the floor. With a sigh, he slid his legs into the pants and tied the string tightly. He glanced down and reached back into the pants, adjusting himself in his underwear so that his penis wasn't sticking out. It was a lot more uncomfortable with pants, they drew tight in places that skirts didn't. Dean folded the towels and let them hang on the little bar in the bathroom.

When he stepped out of the bathroom, Cas was still nowhere to be found. While it bothered him a little bit he took the opportunity to step in front of the only mirror in the room and adjust his wig, keeping a sharp eye trained on the door. He'd just finished adjusting when Cas knocked on the door.

"I'm decent!"

The door swung open to reveal Castiel, with his head hung a little low, hair covering most of his face. Dean frowned and tilted his head. "Everything okay?"

Cas' head sprang up and there was a strange look in them. "Yes, I'm fine Deanna. Thank you. I uh, brought you something."

Dean thanked his great reflexes as he caught the juice box that Cas had tossed through the air. He smiled and pulled the straw away from the packaging, before puncturing it through the top. "Thank you," he said, after taking a gratifying sip. "Nothing for you?"

Cas gave a lopsided smile and went to the small mini-fridge in the corner of the room. He pulled it open to reveal shelf after shelf of water bottles.

"Not a variety kinda guy, huh?" Dean remarked, amused.

"I wouldn't say that," Cas mumbled, and Dean had the feeling that they weren't talking about beverages. "It's a little late for the buses, should I take you home?"

A small bit of panic still beat at Dean's chest. On one hand, he'd already gotten a lift home once before. On the other, there was no way he should start making a habit out of it. One of these days his stupid brain would end up inviting him upstairs and then there would be problems. The part that desperately wanted to spend more time with Cas won out, assuring him that it was only polite to accept the offer.

The ride was a little quiet, but Dean chalked it up to them being exhausted. Cas hadn't even had a chance to have his own shower before they'd left. The drive wasn't bad but it was still late and Dean was sure that he was ready to get back to the dorms. They pulled into the parking lot and sat in the car for a little bit. Cas' car hummed as Dean figured out how to say goodbye. On campus they didn't share much more than a wave, ever, but he was suddenly getting strong flashbacks of what he'd done the last time they were in this situation. His body twitched and groaned at him, trying to fling itself out of the seat to wrap around the boy again. It was harder to fight than he'd expected, so now he was stuck, in awkward silence, in Cas' car. Dean hadn't even been able to lift his hand to the handle yet.

"It's all right."

"What?" Dean squeaked. His face flushed in embarrassment. There was no way that sound could've ever come out of a man. His secret was safe for sure now.

"Physical affection," Cas clarified, turning around in his seat and pinning Dean with a strong gaze. "I don't mind it."

"What- I." Nothing but stutters. Dean took a deep breath and tried again. He was better than this. "Well okay, good. 'Cause I'm a physically affectionate person." After taking a preparatory small breath, he leaned froward towards Castiel. His heart thumped in his chest as Cas wrapped his arms around Dean just as enthusiastically. They held each other for, perhaps, a bit longer than was necessary, but it felt good either way. The air felt like it held a little more static as they parted ways and Dean gave Cas a shy smile. He opened the door and swung his legs out of it, before leaving, he turned to give Cas an even shyer smile. "I can't wait to see you on the field."

Cas watched as Deanna walked around his car, waving at him as she disappeared behind the building. He watched until she was completely out of sight before thumping his head against his wheel. He was tempted to repeat the gesture but figured that accidentally banging his forehead on his horn wasn't the brightest of ideas. With a sigh, and one last glance at the building, he pulled into drive and made his way back to the dorm.

Uriel still hadn't returned by the time he'd made it back upstairs and to his room. He closed the door and leaned against it before sliding down to the floor. Cas wasn't worried about blocking the door. If Uriel wasn't back yet, he wouldn't be for the night. For a moment, he simply sat there, staring aimlessly towards the only window in the room. Before his legs had the time to stiffen he righted himself and grabbed the towel that he'd left out. The water was still warm when he stepped under it. The sound of the stream hitting the tile on the floor drowned out his thoughts for a little bit. But only for a little. Soon he found his thoughts turning to Deanna, having stood in this very shower not an hour or two ago. His head thumped against the tile wall. With a groan, he turned around in the shower so that his back was flush against the tile. His eyes caught the two towels hanging neatly on the rack outside of the little cubicle.

"You're insane," he told himself, softly, rubbing a hand over his face and then turning it up towards the spray. "Absolutely insane."

Or, that was what he would've liked to have believed. It wasn't like he was in the habit of imagining different sets of genitals on other people. And he certainly couldn't have conjured up such a nicely packaged deal. He'd had his suspicions before but he could hardly ignore this. Now, all he had to do was sort through it. He liked Deanna well enough, liked her a lot. Every moment he spent with her thrilled him. She was a breath of fresh air in an otherwise rather stale life. Yes, he had his friends, and admirers, but no one quite like her. And it wasn't just because she was beautiful, given a few years to grow into her features more he would give her absolutely stunning, but she felt very at home in her own skin. Some of Deanna's eating habits confused him, she was brash and loud, but it was hard to find her without a smile on her face.

If Dean was a man, he mused, it would still feel the same. He had never had much of a preference over gender, and probably never would, so it wasn't a difficult transition to make mentally. What was difficult was comprehending why she... or rather he, was doing this. It also solidified to him that the man at the garage, he cursed himself for not having taken the time to read the name on the tag, was the same person. And that the man coming out of the infirmary had been Deanna. Castiel found himself suddenly angry. How could she be so careless? Yes, the garage was far enough away from Campus and where Deanna lived, and it was small, but anyone could come by and make the connection. Or walking around campus as she had? As a... he.

Cas thumped his head against the tiles once more and sent a prayer upstairs to give him strength and patience.

He had to give her some credit, even Cas hadn't been sure until the shower. She looked...he looked, gorgeous in a dress. And handsome in a work jumper, covered in grease. Cas huffed to himself and wondered if he could look as good in no matter what he wore, if he'd take advantage of it. He also had to admit that Deanna went the full mile. He wondered if _he'd_ let his hair grow out over the years to pull off the length or if it was a wig. If it was, it suited her perfectly. And then there were the glimpses of underwear he'd gotten when she'd spilled all over herself.

A little lace. A pattern.

For a brief moment Cas' imagination betrayed him and supplied what he'd seen in the shower, straining underneath the tight panties.

"And that's enough," he told himself, snapping out of his thoughts. To his luck, his musings had let the shower start running a little cooler.

He rushed to finish cleaning himself, red and shame faced. Those weren't appropriate thoughts to be having.

As he dried himself off, it did give him another problem entirely to add to his list of 'How Can Deanna Be So Reckless'. It had meant that the bulge he'd seen during the soak had been exactly what he'd imagined. Before his mind could supply him with more images he sat down at his desk, towel hanging from his hips and propped his elbows on it. He wasn't going to let himself focus on why the thought of a male in panties aroused him so much, instead he was going to focus on how stupid it was for her to even be doing this.

Especially if he was biologically male.

If it were to be found out... It wouldn't matter what Deanna's personal reasons were. A man in woman's clothing, for whatever reason, wasn't exactly something society had wrapped his head around yet. If the junk was external it had nothing to be doing in a dress. Cas' brain felt sluggish as he contemplated just how much trouble she would be in. And depending on the age, and if anyone wanted to press charges, there could be sexual offender allegations.

Had Deana ever been in the girl's locker room?

Surely the girls' bathroom.

A bit of fear began to swirl around his gut. He couldn't exactly bring it up to her. Couldn't make her choices for her. Make her stop. He'd already admitted to wanting her around in any form. So far she'd proven to be a good, and excellent friend. Someone who inspired him. He didn't want to loose that.

There was only one thing he could do. And that was protect her.

The decision to keep it a secret and to become its guardian was a little more difficult than he'd anticipated.

He hadn't mentioned anything about it to anyone, especially not Deanna herself. Which of course, made it even harder to behave normally. It had been a few weeks since what he called 'the Incident' and Cas found the lines between what was male and female blurring constantly when he looked at her. (He'd also made the decision to continue referring to him, as her, since that was how Deanna had chosen to introduce herself.) Which meant that he spent more of his time, well, looking. He studied her every movement, every small thing she did. Castiel had to constantly remind himself to pull back before he started to behave in an unsettling manner. Deanna, didn't seem to mind the extra attention.

If he were to be honest with himself, it actually seemed like she was thriving on it. There were more small smiles sent his wave. Excited waves across crowded hallways. And if Cas was going to be critical of his observations, perhaps even a blush every so often he spent too long staring at her.

Over the course of a few months, he had built up a massive mental collection of everything Deanna Winchester. And he felt himself becoming very attached to it, coveting every single piece of new information he learned about her. They'd started to spend a lot more time together, especially after school.

"One more lap?" Deanna asked him, stop watch in hand a towel draped across her shoulder.

Cas breathed in deeply and stretched his arms over his head. He walked slowly in laps in front of her before dropping his arms. He stretched his legs, testing their strain, before shaking his head. "I think my body is telling me that we are done for today."

"The body knows best," Deanna said with a wink, throwing the towel for Cas to catch.

She sat on the bench and tucked her winter skirt underneath her, going over the scores she'd mapped out on a spread sheet. The weather was cooling down rapidly. While they wouldn't be getting any snow, it was chilly out. Cas was surprised that she wouldn't change into warmer pants, but he supposed that the winter uniform for the women also remained a knee length skirt.

He was glad that Deanna hadn't made a habit of practicing with him after the initial race months ago. While he certainly wouldn't begrudge her for being athletic, sweatpants or shorts to go jogging in seemed dangerous. (Even if he had to admit he was worrying too much. Since then he'd gotten the courage to look up online how a man would wear panties. It left little to the imagination but seemed to keep everything snugly in place.) Since then he'd become very protective of who she was around, and almost obsessive about drinks.

More than once he'd had to catch wayward drinks on their way towards her. It was starting to become a problem. Castiel was starting to suspect she was being clumsy on purpose just to see him reach. His breath came out in puffs as he made his way to the bench that Deanna was sitting on. She didn't scoot to move away, instead leaning a little bit into him, showing him the scores. Allowing himself a small indulgence he leaned in over her, his chest brushing against her warm shoulders.

"We knew you weren't going to get back for this semester, but with these scores there's no way you wont be first string in the spring." Deanna's tone was cheerful and it made him smile.

"I do have a rather good coach to thank for that."

Deanna's head turned up a little and her cheeks were red. Whether it was from the cold or the compliment Cas couldn't discern, but he enjoyed the look on her nonetheless. They remained sitting like that for a little bit, Cas' cheek nearly brushing hers, before Deanna had to turn away to cover a sneeze.

Cas let out a laugh and went to pull on his sweatshirt from his bag. It was the one he'd loaned to her all those months ago. She'd returned it, washed, and since then he'd taken it on as a lucky emblem. It looked identical to every single other one he owned. No one had to know just how ridiculously sentimental he was being. "Out of the two of us, I would have placed my money on myself getting a cold."

"Oh shut up," Deanna huffed, digging in her pocket for a kleenex. "You're out there running all the time, I'm not exactly being very active here." She sneezed again.

A frown creased Castiel's forehead. He zipped up his bag and stepped towards her. "You do know that you don't have to be here."

"That's not what I meant," she griped back, stuffing the clipboard she had into what she'd started calling her coaching bag. "You're way too serious sometimes."

"It is very difficult not to be when you're around." He reached a hand out to her forehead, making sure she wasn't feverish.

Deanna gently slapped his hand away, "Quit that. You worry too much."

"You give me many reasons to worry," Castiel muttered, shaking his head.

It had been like this for awhile, and it was hard for Dean to discern why. He watched as Cas walked back to his bag and checked to make sure everything was in it. He was thrilled with how close they'd become. At this point, he could confidently call him a friend. It was more than he could've ever hoped for out of his idol. For the most part, he was actually spending more time at Castiel's dorm than his own place. Money wise it seemed like a waste, since it was expensive to live off campus, but he couldn't help it. Most of his life had started slowly revolving more and more around him. Dean couldn't find himself regretting it.

Lisa and Sarah had made a few giggling comments on the unusual closeness and how rapidly it had progressed. Lisa had known Cas much longer than he had and assured him that it wasn't normal for him to take this close of an interest in a person. Especially not so quickly. Sarah had told him he reminded her of a guard dog. Sometimes Dean would have to say he agreed. If someone were to ask him when their relationship had changed he wouldn't be able to pin point it for you. One day he just noticed that Castiel was hovering around much more than usual. Which of course was not something he minded. He found himself seeing him a lot more often in the hallways, having doors held open for him, and those eyes constantly trained on him. It still made Dean blush but for the most part he'd managed to get a little accustomed to the stare. Most nights he went to bed feeling giddy and lucky. Dean wasn't sure if Cas looked at anyone else that way.

Their budding friendship had also given him a front row seat to what had first attracted him about the man. It had come as a surprise, a few weeks after they'd had their race. They'd been having lunch and Dean had noticed that his friend had been staring out the window without touching a single bite of his food. Jokingly he'd nudged Cas on the side and asked him if he was on some new diet. He usually ate pretty well. He'd been shocked into a dazzling smile when Castiel had turned around and announced that he wanted to join the team again.

Since then Dean had made sure that it was his job to be a personal cheerleader and coach. For whatever reason Cas was still shy about it, the only people who really knew were their little lunch table and the head coach (who was keeping quiet about it at Castiel's request.) It was really a shame that it was being kept so hush. Maybe if Cas was more public about it Uriel wouldn't give him those looks every time they passed in the hallways. Although the dorm room was still officially registered to both of them, a lot of his belongings had been slowly trickling out of it. Not that Dean minded, it meant that there had been a slow influx of stuff that he'd been leaving haphazardly at Cas'. He never complained so Dean didn't bother worrying about retrieving them.

"Come on, let's go. You need to take a shower and I want some hot chocolate," Dean said grabbing Cas by the arm and dragging him off the track field.

Cas nudged him gently on the head and Dean playfully bumped his hip back at him. It went on like this for a little bit. Castiel gracefully blocking Dean's awkward attempts to get the man off balance. He'd never succeeded before, not since the first time he'd managed to knock him on his ass, but it was an excuse to be close t him.

While Cas showered, it always took all of his willpower not to try and sneak a peek and open the door, Dean tore open two packets of chocolate powder. On slow days they'd go to a small coffee shop and discuss his progress, but when they really spent the evening training they had to come back for a shower. As the weather had gotten colder Dean had become more demanding of hot drinks afterward. The winter clothing he'd bought might have been warm enough, but it didn't stop him from freezing his balls off half the time. Cas was usually too tired after a long run to go back out to a coffee shop so Dean had started to keep a small stock pile of stuff in the room.

They weren't allowed many things but with the proper clearance, a small microwave was allowed. He set two mugs full of water into it and turned it on. He watched the cups rotated around in the microwave for a little bit before the door to the bathroom opened.

Dean held his breath. This was one of his favorite parts. It wasn't that Cas wasn't always handsome. Oh he was. But straight out of the shower, hair sticking up everywhere from where he'd ruffled it with a towel, that was the best Cas. The only down side was that Castiel hadn't felt like breaching far past modesty and still put his shirt on in the bathroom. It was a damn shame. Dean had really wanted to see that chest fresh and clean, maybe with little water droplets dripping from his hair and down.

"Can I help you?" Cas asked.

This was a usual conversation for them.

"It's only pay back," Dean quipped back. He took the mugs out of the microwave as they pinged and began to stir the powder mix into it. "You stare at me all the time. How's it feel?"

"Like I am important."

And then Cas had to go and say things like that. Dean blushed and grumbled, stirring the hot chocolate a little more vigorously than he'd intended. For him it was always a joke but somehow every time the other boy turned it into something that made Dean's insides churn in a funny way. He'd known even before getting on campus that he had a crush on the older boy. Admitted, a celebrity crush, but the seeds were still there. Cas did nothing but water them and it was starting to get a little infuriating. It wasn't fair. Dean could never seem to throw him off of his game but half the words coming from Cas always put him on one edge or another.

Ignoring the pitter pattering of his heart he tossed a little bit of cream into the cup and handed it to Cas. It had come as a surprise that he secretly liked sweet things. While searching for a place to plug in his phone he'd stumbled across a secret stash of candy. Castiel's face had started to tint red when Dean had pointed it out and he'd blamed it on his cousin. Dean had snorted and laughed, but had made sure to always have something small handy. Like cream to put in hot chocolate.

"Any plans for winter break?" Dean asked, settling himself on Cas' bed. They were lucky it was the lower bunk. He was convinced that if Uriel did decided to randomly come traipsing in that he wouldn't have been happy to find Dean layered in blankets on his bed.

"Family," Cas replied shortly.

"You don't sound too happy about that," Dean ventured out. It wasn't a subject they talked about often. Although to be fair Dean kept a lot of his family secret as well. He guessed that it was probably for different reasons than Castiel did.

"I'd rather not discuss that." Dean pulled back a little surprised. His tone was short and clipped.

"Oh. Okay."

They sipped their respective drinks in a moment of awkward silence before Cas sighed. "I did not mean to be short with you, just. It really is something I don't want to talk about yet."

"I understand."

"Deanna-"

"No really," Dean said straightening up. They were friends, they spent a lot of time together, but it wasn't like they were too terribly close. Besides, if Dean had his own secrets, Cas was entitled to a few of his own. "I didn't mean to pry. You just don't talk about them a lot, so I figured I'd ask."

Dean flushed a little as Castiel gave him an endearing look. It was something that was starting to become one of his regular expression when talking to him. It warmed Dean and made him feel a little bit proud. He wasn't sure he'd ever seen Cas give that look to someone else. Of course, he did his best not to read into it but it was a little hard not to. Dumb crushes were like that.

"What about you then?" Cas asked letting the subject drop. It was one of the things that Dean had taught him over their time together. If things became awkward, or to much, he'd just rather let it go. They still sometimes didn't get it right, Cas wanting to push things further, and Dean shutting up like a clam about it, but it was starting to develop into something looking like a functional friendship.

"Oh I'm staying here."

Cas' eyebrows rose up. "Alone?"

"I don't know about that, I'm sure not everyone's going home." The statement didn't seem to appease the frown. "Oh come on. I'm a big girl, I can take care of myself. Been doing it long before you walked into my life, big guy."

Cas' frown merely deepened at the tease. The guy could seriously get weirdly protective sometimes. He'd been living just fine on his own for half a year now, it didn't seem like that big of a deal to spend a month or two by himself.

"I know you can..."

"But?"

"Nothing," Cas said, draining the rest of his cup.

That was another thing that Dean had started to notice. There were odd things that his new friend was paranoid about. When Dean prodded and poked at these things the boy had a tendency to let the subject drop faster than a hot coal. He supposed it should be cute that Cas was so protective of him, especially when he went places by himself. It would just be problematic if it developed more than that. Lisa had told him that while Cas was generally protective of all of his friends, it generally didn't get too obsessive. If things continued they way they did he might have to challenge Lisa on that statement.

"I'll take you home," Cas said abruptly.

Dean nodded, still a little confused but let it drop. He knew when to leave well enough alone.

They drove in companionable silence with a rock station playing on low volume. Cas had never had presets before Dean had jumped in and started fiddling with them. Secretly, Dean though that Castiel listened to the station on his own because every so often he could catch him mouthing some of the lyrics to himself.

The parking lot was nearly empty when they pulled in and Dean leaved over to wrap himself around Castiel tightly. Warm arms wound around him and held him just as close.

"Get home safe, text me," Dean added, sliding out of the car, pulling up his coat against the wind.

He waved a cheerful goodbye to Cas as he disappeared around the corner.

It was the last time they spent time together before the next semester began.

**A/N: **For those of you wondering why it's still winter in the story when it's about to be June, I last updated this story when it was still cold outside. I hate hate hate random time skips to a different season, so I played out the last few months. The next chapter starts mid-springish with filler on what happened in between but the action starts during the school year.


	7. Peach Berry

**Chapter 7: Peach Berry **

"Oh my god this feels great," Dean groaned out as he stretched his arms out. He flopped himself over the small coffee table to Lisa's amusement. "Quit laughing, you know you're enjoying the weather too."

"Don't get me wrong, I like it well enough but it doesn't turn me into a porn star."

"Oh can it," Dean smirked pulling himself straight and stirring his small shake.

They'd been back in school for a few months and for the first time the winter weather had let up and they could pretend it was spring. The weather was so optimistic that the school was starting to plan changing back to summer uniforms if it kept up. Dean was personally a fan of the warmer weather, even if it had been easier to pass during the colder months. More layers.

"So..." Lisa said conspiratorially.

"So?"

"Castiel."

Dean felt his neck heat up and he slurped loudly at his drink. He refused to look at her as she grinned. This wasn't a conversation he wanted to have. Not that he had trouble talking about him, he just didn't like what she was insinuating. There was nothing to insinuate on.

Admitted, the separation during the winter break had done nothing but bring them closer. Half the time Dean had been attached to his cellphone. His friends had called him anti-social. He'd countered that he was being plenty social, just not with them. It was a miracle he still had friends. They hadn't even talked about anything too important. Most of the time it was Cas making sure he was okay and staying safe. The only annoying thing the separation had done; was give Castiel a nasty 'check in with me every time you leave the house' habit. It hadn't started to border on obnoxious yet so Dean had let it slide, especially since it had seemed to calm down a little once he was back on campus.

If people had thought they were too close for comfort before, it was now only worse. He couldn't even blame it all on Cas either. The separation had given him plenty of time to sit in silence in his own head. There was a mountain of problems ahead of him. His rapidly increasing crush being the biggest problem. In his boredom, and few nights of panic, he'd finished out his entire stash of beer that he'd nabbed from back home. While he'd always had a perfect idol in mind, now, knowing the real person, he had his doubts. Castiel was a great person. Sometimes a little ridiculously shy, awkward around the edges, but he had the gentlest smile and a warmer heart than anyone gave him credit for. He cared.

Which meant that Dean was starting to heavily re-evaluate where he stood in life. Castiel was addicting. Being around him made Dean feel confident about himself and cared for. How could anyone not want to get more of that feeling? But... it also made him feel sick. He'd never cared before how people perceived him wearing women's clothes and having a second persona essentially. Hell, when he had first decided to enroll as a woman he hadn't even thought it would get this far. If he was going to be honest he'd been expecting to have a few laughs, enjoy the freedom, and be caught and sent packing home. His dad would kick him out, his mother would still love him, Sam would be confused, and he'd be staying at the Harvelle's.

He was still perfectly happy being a boy, he loved the muscle build he was getting from working at the garage, and he still felt at home in his body. A luxury he knew some people didn't have. It made him feel like a fraud, a liar, and a cheat. He'd successfully integrated an entire identity for himself where thousands of others struggled to leave their house.

Dean honestly hadn't expected it to go this far.

But here he was, sitting in a woman's uniform at a coffee shop, occasionally getting once overs by guys as they passed by.

He figured he could be selfish enough to ignore what he had to done, and what it would mean to his family and friends, but his gut clenched uncomfortably at what Cas would think. Throughout his entire life he'd heard plenty of talk about what people would say. How he would be treated once he was found out. Pervert was at the top of that list of things to call him. He didn't want Cas to think that of him. It would break his heart.

Still, he couldn't stop. He'd briefly wondered if this is what addicts felt like, knowing that they should stop but stumbling further and further down that rabbit hole.

"Deanna, you in there?" Lisa snapped her fingers.

"What about Castiel?" Dean deflected. He twisted the cup between his hands refusing to look at her.

"Oh come -on-," Lisa moaned out, spreading her hands out and shaking them at him. "I've known both of you for awhile. Cas longer but you better. What's with the co-joined twin act?"

"We're not co-joined."

"You're so attached at the hip."

"Stop taking the funny colored pills Lisa. They're not good for you."

Lisa laughed and settled back in her chair, eyes twinkling.

Dean sighed and decided to give her at least something. Maybe she'd let it drop for awhile. Not likely but it would at least buy him some time. "We just get along really well. I don't think there's anything weird about that. He's... nice."

"Just nice, huh?" Lisa wiggled her eyebrows a little.

"That's all you're getting out of me."

Knowing she was defeated Lisa changed tactics. She took a sip of her frappucino and hummed to herself. "How's his training going? The track stuff?"

Now this was something he could talk about. "He's competing in the next meet." Excitement rolled off of him in waves.

Lisa leaned forward in her chair, eyes wide. Her smile was bright and a small squeal escaped her. Dean hushed her as the other patrons turned to stare at them. "How did we not know about this?"

Dean leaned in and lowered his voice, "It's on an official roster, but the coach is deciding to keep it quiet. It'll throw the other team's off of their game when they walk in with him on the field. It's why he hasn't been around so much. I haven't even seen him."

"It's a home-meet too right?"

"Yup."

"This is going to be great," Lisa whispered before leaning back. She clasped her hands together and grinned. "It means we can go and oh god, just imagine the looks on everyone's faces!"

"_He's _going to be great," Dean clarified but couldn't help smiling himself.

"I'm sure he is," Lisa winked at him. Dean sighed and raised his hands up in resignation, this wasn't a battle he was going to win.

She was right though. Castiel was a big deal in the track community before he quit, and this sudden return? It would make some waves. They'd talked about it once or twice when he'd been officially put back on the team. He'd been perfectly content being hidden away. For the most part, he'd admitted, he wouldn't have minded being benched for the first meet either. Ease his way in. But being such a big name athlete he wondered how things would change.

It was something Dean felt the need to bring up with Cas later when they were sitting around his dorm room at the end of the week.

The window had been left open to invite the warm breeze in. It looked like the warm front would last a little longer and just about everyone was doing the same. Bask in it while they could. The air pushed fresh spring smells into the room. Dean let them sink into his bones as he laid down on Cas' bed, staring up at the ceiling. He'd been mulling over things for awhile now.

"Something wrong?"

Dean turned his head to look at Cas. He'd previously been hunched over his desk, finishing assignments. Dean had elected to ignore his own. "No, why?"

"You have that face."

"What face?" Dean asked, sitting up. He frowned and poked at his forehead and cheeks trying to figure out what his tell had been.

"We spend most of our free time together, Deanna. At this point it would be shameful if I didn't notice when something was bothering you."

Dean blushed at the stupid, lopsided, and maybe slightly smug smile the other boy had. He huffed and swung his legs off of the bed, taking care that his skirt didn't lift or slide up his thighs. He didn't notice how Cas' eyes traced the edges of the skirt where it moved.

"It's stupid."

"Nothing that could make you worry so much, is stupid," Cas assured him. He closed his work book and turned his chair around so that he could look at her directly. It was something he found himself often doing. At first it had been subconscious on his part, but now he made an effort to be facing her when she spoke. It was important to him.

He watched as she gathered herself. She had several false starts before sighing and dropping back down onto his bed. Cas raised an eyebrow and continued to stare. He made his mind focus on whatever was troubling Deanna and not on how good she looked on his bed. If he'd made it this many months without his thoughts wavering he could hold out for another few minutes without his libido springing up to say hello.

"I feel like we're not going to see each other."

That was not what he had been expecting.

"Excuse me?"

"Told you, it's stupid."

"No, I just don't understand."

Deanna's chest rose as she sucked in a deep breath. "I mean you were my idol before I even got to this school, ya know."

"I do know. And I find it quite endearing."

She smiled but hid her eyes behind her arms. She crossed them at let them rest over her face. "Well, with you going back on track... it's not like you're just _any _track guy. You're Castiel fuckin' Novak. The press is gonna be all over this. You'll have interviews, you'll be invited places, you'll have mandatory media shit to do. I just don't see us spending much time together."

Cas wasn't sure what to say. His first reaction was to laugh a little but that seemed rude with how distraught about this she was. Out of all the things to keep him away from her she thought this would be it? Then again, it wasn't like she knew that he knew about her secret. Over winter break he'd toyed with the idea of telling her but decided against it. He still didn't know why she was doing it. Of course he'd seen her as a man at the garage but he'd attempted to be delicate in trying to figure out what it meant. Perhaps Deanna would be insulted if he pointed it out. Perhaps this was how she truly saw herself, it wasn't his place to go poking around. Still, he wished he could tell her that there wasn't much she could do to keep him away from her.

He sighed and stood up from his chair. Castiel generally avoided sitting on the bed at the same time that she was on it. He was a young teenage boy and he had hormones. His self-control was excellent and near saintly at times, but he found it was better not to put himself in temptations way. It seemed a lot more practical than fighting with his own body. That didn't mean that things didn't have exceptions. He sat down by her feet and Deanna lifted her arms from her eyes, startled. She leaned up surprise written across her face. Cas reached out his hand and gently pulled her up by the arm. He helped knock her feet to the ground before pulling her into a sideways hug.

"I take back what I said earlier. This might be the most... frivolous worry you have ever had."

"Don't be a jerk!" Deanna snapped, elbowing him gently in the rib. "Seriously, I'm trying to be all honest and emotional here and you're being an ass."

Cas fought to hold in a chuckle. "My apologies. What I meant; was that you need not worry about that. I don't know if I can promise as much free time as I have had but I'd be loathe to loose a friend over something as stupid as the media."

"You say that now," she grumbled but let her body posture relax a little. She was still a little stiff with the anger at Cas' teasing but it wouldn't last for long.

For a moment, Castiel toyed with the idea of telling her exactly why he was back on the track team. Of course there was the self-gratification. He enjoyed feeling the wind push past his body. Enjoyed the burn of his muscles after a good run. It was fun for him. At first he'd told himself that he'd just needed someone to push him back into it. Someone to stop him from being a coward.

Of course, he could attempt lying to himself but it was too late for that. Deanna didn't join him for as many late night practices anymore now that he had an actual coach and a class. He really didn't have the time to add extra stuff to it. Then there was also body strain. Too much would cripple him before he even got past the starting line. Cas missed it terribly. It wasn't until he'd started his regular training that he'd realized just how much trouble he was in.

Their friendship had been growing steadily and well over the past few months. He found himself thinking of her in a lot of his free time, filling up the fridge with her favorite juices, and being continuously grateful that Uriel seemed to continue to prefer spending his time outside of the dorm room. (The tension between had not dissipated since his return to the team. If anything it had seemed to make it worse.) There would be times when he would be walking around town with some of his track mates and pause by the window of a store and think 'That would look good on her' or 'she was just talking about this the other day'. Cas hadn't thought much of it to begin with, he had similar thoughts about other friends before.

No, it really solidified for him when he'd run his first small race and gotten timed. He'd expected Deanna's voice, the strange mix of a deep soft pitch, telling him his time and a snarky comment. Instead his coach's voice jarred him back to reality. For the rest of the day he'd gone around confused. The scores he made were excellent, above excellent for someone who'd been out of the game for so long, but still Cas found something was wrong. It took him until he spoke to Deanna the next day to figure it out.

She was the key.

He wasn't doing this solely for himself, or mostly for himself. He was doing it for her. Because of the way her face would light up when he made a faster time. Her laugh and cheering as he made his laps or did his sprints. How she was always waiting with a towel ready and a warm hand on his back. Castiel of course cared to a certain extent about his teammate, but he found himself thinking that if she stopped watching, he would stop track. It made him nervous just how much power she'd gotten over him in such a little time. Then again, the circumstances weren't exactly regulation concerning the nature of their relationship.

"I promise. Deanna," he said her name to make sure she was looking at him. There was still a small proud glare in her eyes. "If nothing else, it would be rude to ditch a coach who put so much hard work into getting me game ready."

"That is true," Deanna huffed, puffing her chest out a little and nodding to herself. "So, if you do really well on this meet we can chalk that up to, what? 90% me, 10% you?"

Castiel shook his head and went back to his desk, clasping a hand around her shoulder as he got up. He sat down in his chair and his shoulders shook in a barely withheld chuckle. "Sounds like an accurate measurement. How did I end up with such a clever coach?"

"Just your luck, I guess."

And while it seemed like Castiel had luck in aces, Dean wasn't so, well, lucky. The conversation had eased many of his worries aside but the weeks leading up to the meet had been less than favorable. He kept telling himself that it was some reverse karma type bullshit so that Cas would do well. It was the only thing he could tell himself to stop from going crazy.

He'd had a near panic at the garage. He'd picked it due to it's location but for whatever reason gods were cruel and Sarah Blake had rolled up on a quiet Tuesday afternoon with Lisa. Dean had for the first time in his entire life, faked a sickness to get out of work. He'd kept himself from sticking his fingers down his throat to imitate retching but he'd almost been desperate enough. A small part of him told him he was being an idiot. If Cas hadn't recognized him then they weren't going to either. Still, he felt that despite their close friendship, they hadn't been as close when he'd wandered into the yard. Another part of his brain reminded him that Cas _had _in fact asked him about it. Better safe than sorry.

In an attempt to curb the amount of traffic he might get he'd requested that Rufus put him in the back. He'd had to bargain for it with a little bit of a dock in pay. Dean had a lot of charm, and charm brought in customers. It also meant putting different people out on the line up front and re-arranging the shop. Dean had called home and had begged Jo to put in a word with Bobby and Ellen so that maybe they could talk to his boss without revealing anything. He'd received an hour long lecture from Jo before she'd reluctantly agreed. It was enough of a miracle that he didn't brave telling her about Cas' near discovery incident. Her solution would be to yank him back home straight away.

The change in shifts and the small hiccup in pay, the price difference had only been a few dollars, but Dean hadn't planned ahead for it and had missed his full rent payment. 90% of the money had been taken out on his automated payment but because he was missing the ten dollars for that month he'd had to pay a late fee. A part of him wanted to call home and ask for a little bit of cash to pay for it but he'd been avoiding it as much as he could. If he called home he'd have to tell them about what his life was like. The conversation to stay home for winter break had been bad enough. Dean would've been back in Lawrence for the winter if it hadn't been too expensive to get him there and back for such a short time. Especially with them preparing for Sam's graduation plans. They were still years away but Sam had his eyes set on Stanford and his mother for sure wouldn't be the type to deny him that. John had argued that he go to a more sensible (money wise) school but had lost that one pretty quickly.

So the conversations they had remained brief. Now with the semester in full swing and spring break coming up soon there was more time and money to go around. God forbid his parents decided to visit. It didn't mean that Dean had completely abandoned them. He'd rather pack up and go home if he ever did that to them. But he mostly communicated in letters and small cards that he thought would make his mother laugh. She wrote lengthier pieces back to him, but seemed to treasure every little bit of paper that he sent. A part of him made the tentative assumption that she preferred them. That way she had something to re-read again and again instead of skewed memories of an old phone conversation.

The tip of the ice berg, so to speak, came on the day of the meet. He'd wanted to be there before it started so that he could find himself a nice spot to see the field clearly from. Which of course meant that the clothes he thought he'd carefully placed on his chair the night before, weren't there. He'd wanted to look nice for Cas. Which was stupid really because it wasn't like he would notice, but Dean really hoped he would. So he spent an extra hour trying to get his shit together. Generally he didn't even bother with the curling iron, he found it was a complicated and stupid thing, but wanted to add a little extra to the bottom of his locks. Nothing too obvious, he didn't want to look like he was trying too hard, but just enough to get a little wisp.

He'd picked one of his favorite combinations too. Long stockings just in case the weather took a turn for the worst, a mid thigh skirt, and a loose, half-sleeved black shirt. It was classy and simple and even better, the bottom of the shirt went low enough to hide anything that his panties and skirt couldn't hide.

In addition to being late because of his 'wardrobe malfunction', he'd flinched a little as the word had passed his mind (while he always enjoyed looking good, he'd never thought it would get this obsessively tragic), once he got the school it just got worse. He found himself trying find an easy way to enter the school that wasn't through the main gate but found all the other entrances had been locked. Dean knew it was for safety reasons but it didn't stop him from delivering an angry kick to the locked gate. When he'd finally made it inside he'd been herder around in a group and way too close to one of the lunch tables. He'd scraped the tender area above his knee open with a single slice from the metal table.

"Fuck damn it!"

A few mothers covered their children's ears and gave him nasty looks as he continued to curse.

"Having trouble, Winchester?"

Dean sighed and turned around, nursing his knee as he settled down on the table to take a look at it. "Not now Pamela."

"That's Miss Barnes to you when we're out and about in public."

"Right, yeah," he hissed out as he peeled back at the stocking.

"Let me take a look," Pamela offered. "The infirmary isn't too far away and I've got the keys to it. Just in case something happens with the athletes."

"No!"

"Excuse me?"

"I can't, I gotta get to the meet."

"The meet's not going anywhere, you can spare a few minutes."

"No, I really can't."

"And why would that be? I need a good reason to just leave a student to hobble to the field. Even if they're just sitting in the stands."

Dean grumbled a bit and refused to look at her. Which, of course, egged her on further.

"Aaaah, let me take a guess," Dean could hear the smirk on her lips. "Would this have something to do with a certain blue eyed, wonder boy?"

"No."

Pamela laughed and leaned down. She shoved Dean's hands out of the way. "Ow!"

"Oh suck it up, Winchester. I'm doing a favor here. If Bobby and Ellen had told me I'd end up meddling in someone's love life I might have reconsidered."

"What love life?" Dean muttered as she examined his leg.

"The one you keep digging yourself further and further into deceit in," she quipped. "It doesn't look that bad. I can let it go for now but after this is over you'd better go get it patched up. If not by me then go home and put a bandaid on it. You'd think at this point I'd just start carrying them around."

"I'm not digging myself into anything."

He limped away from Pamela's amused laugh, ears tinted pink. He already knew his shortcomings well enough, he didn't need someone else pointing them out.

By the time he'd finally limped his way to the stadium the track meet was starting. His entire body sagged in relief as he saw Cas still sitting on the sidelines stretching. He made his way along the bar of the bleachers, hoping to catch his eye. Like a magnet, as Dean passed by, Cas' head popped up. He didn't wave at her but the way his eyes crinkled at the corners told Dean that he'd seen him.

"Deanna!"

His head snapped around and not three rows up were Lisa, Garth, and Sarah. They waved at him enthusiastically and he gingerly made his way up the steps.

"You're late," Lisa teased, "sure wasn't expecting tha- What happened to your leg?"

"Don't worry about it. Hazards of big crows or some shit. No one's started running yet?"

"Do you mean has Cas run yet?" Sarah teased, scooting to the side to let Dean in between them.

"I'll have you know tha'ts not what I meant. I just saw him two seconds ago." He made sure to keep his attitude in check. He'd been half tempted to stick out his tongue, something he'd never even considered doing before. Maybe spending so much time in the company of women was rubbing off personality traits on him as well as physical mannerism. Dean made a mental note to watch Monster Truck racing or Football when he got home.

"Did you now?"

He turned to Lisa. "There really is no reason for that tone."

"If it helps," Garth piped up from beside Lisa, leaning over and his face eager, "I don't think you and Cas are romantically involved."

"Garth!" Sarah and Lisa admonished.

Dean let his elbows rest on his lap and dropped his face into his hands.

He didn't have long to suffer as a whistle blew and a man with a microphone announced the start of the first race.

**A/N: **Decided to update for ya'll that reviewed like... within two hours of the chapter being published. I'm going to a convention this weekend and won't be back until Sunday but I'm bringing my laptop for the down time. I've got the next chapter paper plotted out, now just to flesh it out. I still haven't heard back from my beta for Alibi or Cardinal!verse so until then ya'll are in luck.

Thank you for your continued support. (Also, hopefully this makes up for the long wait.)


	8. Red Berry

**Chapter 8: Red Berry **

Loud cheering was erupting from Castiel's dorm room. The boy in question winced at the noise and tried to move himself further into the corner of the dorm, near the window. For a moment he wished they'd left it open for a breeze but they hadn't wanted the noise to spread into the courtyard. He'd ranked second in his first meet in and his friends had decided that the only way to celebrate it was to cram into his matchbox room and drink. His first argument against it, had been that he wasn't going to drink anyway. The second, that they were all underage, and it was a bad idea. So why was he now huddled against the radiator? One look from Deanna. Cas was slowly starting to learn that there was very little he could deny her.

When they'd announced the scores; the stands had erupted in cheers. He'd nearly felt like collapsing from exhaustion but made sure to find her amongst the crowd. Cas had broken into a smile as he watched her throw an arm around Lisa and nearly topple them all off of the bench, with her vigorous cheering. Deanna had waved with both arms at him and he'd given a shy shake of the hand back towards her. More than the score, he'd felt invigorated by how happy Deanna had looked. A part of the track meet was of course for himself. Most of it, was to see her smile. There was a happy thrum pulsing through his veins. After the showers he'd been greeted by a mass of his friend and an arm full of her. What collected smile he'd had before that, was gone. Castiel was just lucky that he could temporarily bury his face into her shoulder to hide it. While he refused to call it a crush, he couldn't deny that he wanted to be near her.

"You did so fuckin' good, Cas!" Which had been followed by an almost imagined brush of lips to the corner of his cheek. The moment hadn't lasted long.

"You banging groupies now, Castiel?"

He'd immediately let go of her to see a track athlete from another school approaching them. Raphael. Generally, he was among the top tear every time there was a competition. For a little while he'd risen in the ranks with Cas' absence. His coach had managed to keep it a surprise that he was back to competing and it had considerably thrown the other athletes in his division of their game. Raphael included. He'd come in third.

"Hey! I ain't a damn groupie," Deanna spat. Her shoulders stiffened as she straightened her back, ready for a fight.

"Getting some pussy got your legs working again? Nothing like "healing vagina" I guess. Did she play nurse for you?" The small group gathered around Raphael laughed as Deanna continued steaming. Cas could hear his other friend starting to grow agitated as he stepped forward. He put a gentle but firm hand on her shoulder, trying to draw her back. It wouldn't do either of them any good to get into a fist fight. Although his own temper was flaring he knew Deanna better than to play knight in shinning armor. She'd made that clear during one of their late night practices when she'd gone off to grab herself a soda. He'd tried to step in from far away, laying out threats as a man approached her and wouldn't let go of her arm.

Within the next minute he'd been pinned to the soda machine, with his lips and nose bleeding from where she'd smashed his head repeatedly against the cash slot.

"He worked hard for this!"

"Deanna-"

"No! They can't talk to you like that."

"I've heard worse."

"And she's fighting your battles for you?" Raphael had laughed.

"At least he has someone to stand up for him!" Deanna had spat back, not quite sure what insult to throw out. While she had a bank of wit and knowledge, quick fire insults usually weren't her strong suite.

Raphael made another remark about not having to pay for company and walked off. Cas and Garth had both wrapped their arms around each of hers while Sarah desperately clung to her waist.

"Well, that kinda ruined the mood," Lisa had muttered as they calmed down a bit.

"It's okay, we'll just get this party started again. Drinks?" Garth suggested, finally letting go of Deanna.

"I'm afraid I won't be able to join you for that," Cas had said with a hint of regret. But then again he knew better than to drink. He was quite the lightweight. A few sips of one beer and he was gone for the rest of the time. Give him a few sips more and he wouldn't remember a damn thing from the night.

"Oh come on, one beer won't kill you."

"We're underage."

"So? We'll keep an eye out for it, seriously. No one's going to care."

"I'm really not sure this is-"

"Oh my god yes. I could use a drink."

Castiel had turned to Deanna, wanting to argue. Instead of getting a single word out, he'd instead been rendered speechless by the wide-eyed pleading look sent his way. It didn't help that she'd rolled her lower lip between her teeth, as she had a tendency to do when she wanting something particularly bad.

So Catiel had agreed and now he was in charge of a group of teenagers getting nice and toasty. One beer had turned into a case of beers and a few drinking games which he'd declined to participate in. A part of him had wanted to kick them out with logic still. He had a sports career to consider and getting caught with alcohol didn't seem like the best thing for his re-entry into the high school athletic world. The only thing that kept him grounded was the way Deanna's eyes were lit up. An ace at card drinking games she was well on her way to making sure that their friends would end up sleeping on his floor. Bitterly he thought it would serve them right to sleep on the floor.

"Why the glum face?"

"Excuse me?" Cas' head quickly snapped away from the window towards Deanna. At some point in his musings she'd crawled over to him. She was kneeling on the ground in front of him, poking at his bent knees with her hand.

"That sourpuss face," she clarified. She leaned back, giving Cas a nice glimpse of her thighs, before scooting around. It was a tight fit but she managed to settle herself in next to Cas and the chair next to the desk.

"I have no such face."

"Yeeeah, you do," Deanna shot back.

Cas' nose crinkled as he sighed, taking another sip of his juice. "Concerned."

"Oh come on. This is a party for you! Live a little."

"I'll live a little when I'm 21 and legally allowed to have alcohol in my presence."

"Everyone else is drinking."

"And they are being very loud about it."

Deanna laughed. "Well, if it helps, I'm pretty sure they're about to pass out."

"I'm not sure how that would help. Now I have to find them a place to sleep.

"Don't worry about that," she assured him, "I figure you don't mind the space. I asked Inias if we could borrow some sheet and junk. He said yes, which reminds me! I should go grab those."

Castiel blushed a little and attempted to avert his eyes as she leaned forward. Getting back out of the spot was harder than crawling in. Her ass was in full view as she crawled forward, swaying a little as she tried to maintain her balance. Deanna leaned forward some more so that she could push herself up using her hands. That was finally when he could look away. If she'd bent over a little more he would've gotten an eyeful of whatever panties she was wearing that day. His imagination and libido were in overdrive already. He didn't need more fodder for it. Especially when he was doing his best not to let anything develop past a platonic relationship. (Realistically speaking, he knew he was screwed already. He apparently already liked her enough to lie to their friends and an entire school administration for her. You could say he had it bad, but it didn't mean he had to fully admit to it.)

"I'll be right back."

He nodded to her and leaned back, trying to clear his mind. He watched as his friend started to slump over each other, still trying to have some level of conversation while their bodies gave out. The clock told him that it was nearing 1am so it wasn't a surprise.

Unable to get the thoughts of Deanna and her panties out of his mind he stood up. He attempted cleaning for a moment before having to head into the bathroom. He leaned against the cold tiles and thought of the fungus lab they'd done in Biology a semester ago. Luckily, it calmed him down enough to walk out of the room. With a sigh he reached for one of the cans of juice and took a swig.

He put his mind back to cleaning and helping his friends find some semblance of sleeping order. By the time Deanna walked back in he felt himself swaying and some strange warm buzz surrounding him. His mind felt fuzzy.

"Sorry that took so long!"

Dean burst in the door carrying a few layer of sheets and blankets. It had taken him for forever to figure out how to carry them all. Inias had been helpful enough, even offering to walk back with him. But of course, he had to be stubborn. He could handle some damn blankets and besides; if the trip took a little longer how much trouble could his friends really get into it? Confident in that, he'd let the run for sleeping supplies run a little longer. Apparently he didn't know his friends as well as he thought he did.

The rest of the group was passed out or close to it while Cas was sitting in the desk chair staring somewhat vacantly at the door. He smiled brightly with a strange light in his eyes as he opened the door.

"Hey Cas."

"Deanna."

"I uh, I got all the stuff."

"Wonderful, we should do something with those."

Dean laughed, eyebrow quirked. "That's kinda the idea." He moved in further into the room, letting the pile drop to the floor. He stepped over them and made his way to the desk, grabbing a fresh beer. It wasn't until then that he noticed that Cas had cleaned. "Get a little bored while I was gone, Cas?"

"Time does seem to pass far more quickly and with more entertainment value when you're around."

"Thanks," Dean mumbled. He looked down and felt a blush creeping up his neck. "So uh-"

"He had no right to talk to you that way."

"Huh?"

"Raphael."

Dean finally turned to look at Cas in the face. It was weird enough to randomly bring it up, he'd mostly forgotten about it, but there was a strange lilt in his tone. The other boy was swaying lightly in his seat, hand loosely gripping a can of... "Are you drunk?" They'd recently come out with alcoholic juices. Had a bit of a stronger kick than beer too.

"Not important. We shouldn't mix juice cans... with... " Cas paused. "He shouldn't have talked to you like that. You are not a whore."

Dean scoffed a little as he stepped forward. He'd been wanting to get Castiel drunk the entire night and now the time had come. He was hoping it would be as entertaining a Dean imagined. He'd been told by their friends, the few that had drank with him, that Cas turned into a bit of a different person. More open. More spontaneous. Then they'd giggled a little bit and dropped the subject. Dean was ready for first hand experience of why they'd been laughing. It helped to know a little bit that if anything awkward was said, or Dean slipped up, that with Cas' low alcohol tolerance, there was a good chance it wasn't going to be remembered in the morning. "Even if I was it wouldn't be an insult. Sex workers have a legitimate business going on."

"That's not what I mean, Deanna," Cas said seriously. He let the can drop with a clatter onto the desk (luckily remaining upright) as he reached out to grab Dean. Cas' slender hands wrapped around Dean's wrists as he yanked them closer together. "You are beautiful and gorgeous."

"Thanks... Cas. Maybe... you should lie down. How much did you drink?"

Cas shook his head vigorously. "No, Deanna. You are. Your friendship means the world to me. You are important in my life. I find myself drawn to your light."

"All right, big guy. Enough poetics," Dean said, feeling a little exposed. Castiel wouldn't stop looking at him and those electric eyes were pulling them closer together. His heart was thumping loudly in his chest and he could feel his lungs constricting.

"Deanna."

And then there were warm lips on his own. There was the vague sting of alcohol, something peach flavor maybe, before the lips were gone again. Dean's breath stopped short as Cas leaned his forehead into his collar. They stood like that in silence while he tried to collect his thoughts with nothing but Castiel's even breathing, and their friends snores, as background.

"Cas... what?" There was no response. He looked down. "Cas?" Rolling his shoulder gently, Dean tried to nudge Cas' head over. It only flopped to the side. His mouth was partly open and his eyes shut. "You... You're... asleep."

Dean wasn't sure what emotion was coursing through his veins as he maneuvered Castiel out of the chair and into the bed. His body felt numb as he stumbled backwards. The man on the bed continued to sleep. With the shock sobering up his system Dean made his way downstairs and out of the dorm. He didn't even have the time to throw any of the blankets on his friends. Instead, he rushed his way downstairs and splurged what little spare change he had on a taxi.

He got a bit of a look from the guy that picked him up but Dean ignored it. Instead he hastily told the driver the address and settled into the back seat. For the most part, he focused on the scenery as they drove. Dean's mind was blank and could barely filter through a single thought. The only clear things that he could experience was the warmth still on his lips. It hadn't been a long touch, it barely counted as a proper kiss at all. He'd had kisses on the cheek from his mom that had lasted longer.

But still, Dean's mind supplied. Lips had touched. Drunken lips. But lips weren't prejudiced towards alcohol. He tried to calm down the queezy feeling rolling through his stomach and towards his chest. This changed everything and nothing. He'd been warned about Castiel's funny behavior when consuming alcohol. Slowly the giggles and inside jokes were starting to make a little more sense. Apparently Cas was an affectionate drunk. Very affectionate.

Dean couldn't tell if he needed to side with bitter disappointment, it hadn't meant anything to Castiel. Or exuberant relief, he wasn't going to remember it and it had been a fluke.

"Either way, Winchester. You're fucked," he told his reflection once he'd made it home. He banged his head lightly against the mirror. He could've dealt with his idol crush just fine. He'd wrapped the idea, that Castiel wasn't interested in him and never would be, tightly around himself. The protective 'friend' defense.

One taste was all it had taken to unravel that.

"You are so fucked."

**A/N: **A bit of a shorter chapter but I just got back from an anime convention. Was fun. I'm exhausted. And my cat's being super affectionate and trying to sleep on my chest.

Oh and the cans I'm talking about, until a few years ago weren't common at all state sides. Then we got 4Locos, and lemme tell ya... those will fuck your system up. They took the caffeine out of it so it doesn't have as big of a punch anymore, but it's still a 12% can of flavored juice. Only cost 2.50 a can.

* Oh and for those of you who are interested. Check my work tumblr (gqharlie one). It's got a link to a live drama of Hana-Kimi that I'm super into.


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